Part 16 (1/2)
As large as a warshi+p, dedicated to pleasure and power, the barge rode on the bosom of the Nile It stretched over three hundred feet from its lotus-flower bow to its curved stern, propelled byrooarden The cabins and corridors were of cedar and cypress, with the dazzling colors of carnelian, lapis lazuli, and gold everywhere Caesar marched on board and then, as I had hoped, he stood stock-still and looked about hiry appreciation
Suddenly I had an apprehensive thought: What if he decided to annex Egypt after all? It was his by right of ariven no indication that he wished to do so, but every other defeated country had been made into a Roman province Was it only ht this trip whet his appetite forit?
”Ah,” he finally said, turning his gaze back to s craain, that hungry look in his eye ”We have much to learn froan slowly towhite under the spring sun, as pure as the clouds racing overhead Most of the buildings had been spared after all: the Museion, the Serapion, the Library, all were visible froe in the city, and I knew that it would take years to restore it to its for the harbor were dressed as Greeks, and shouting in Greek
”Noe leave Alexandria for Egypt itself,” I said, as the city grew smaller ”You will hear less and less Greek But never fear, I speak Egyptian”
”Fear?” he gestured toward the four hundred s us, loaded with his soldiers ”Not as long as I have ionaries”
”What, are you naked without your soldiers?” I teased hieneral is,” he said, ”but particularly a Roman one I learned that, in spite of my services to the state, they would have rewardedme after I returned from Gaul, had it not been for ypt needs to see us both, to be reassured They need to see the strength of the army that will prevent any further civil wars here”
As we sailed in majesty, slowly, as befitted a procession, I relived the time I had come this very way, on a child's adventure with Mardian and Olympos to the pyramids Noould show them to this man I loved, show them with the pride of possession
The royal bedrooe and sumptuous as the one in Alexandria There was a square bed, covered with leopard skins, and hung around on all sides with the sheerest silk netting to keep out insects Elsewhere in the chailded ebony footstools, bowls of rose petals, and alabaster oil la sun had stained the broad ay of the river with its dying We watched the night in to rise from the reeds on the banks, and then pulled the silk curtain across the square cabin
”My world has shrunk down very small, into this crystal of luxury and pleasure,” he said, kicking off his sandals and stretching out on the couch
”Is this not the whole world?” I said, co myself on one of the footstools ”For lovers, is not their private room the center of the world?”
”The center of their world,” he agreed ”But when the lovers are Caesar and Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt--then their worlds reach far beyond these walls”
”You called ave no title” I tried to say it lightly, but I knew the o ”Surely there are eneral One you are: master of the Rohed ”Amun! Oh yes, I wore his robes once And a miracle happened” He leaned over and put his hand on ht this about”
I covered his hand with my own ”You know he did” I was sure that it must be the divine wish of the Gods, for with all his wives and lovers, he had begotten only one other child, and that was over thirty years ago, before I was born So lavish in their benefices to Caesar in every other way,, the Gods had withheld fro Was that not their way: to ive him no one to leave it to? It had happened with Alexander as well
”What e nanify? Would Caesar acknowledge this child as an heir? And ould ithis hand back and resting it across his chest
”By that, do you nition of hi membershi+p in a family?”
He looked pained ”It can be no other way You are not nized The children of such a union have no status”
I was incredulous Was this the conqueror, the man who smashed all the Roman laho had delivered the death blow to the Republic with his ar it was? ”Roman law?” I asked in wonder ”What does Roman law ht He took several deep breaths as if to steady hiht that should not be voiced aloud”
”It is a thought that is in everyone's minds You have shaken the Roman world to its foundations Now you can rewrite the laws to please yourself”
He reached out very slowly and took uided it toward his, where he kissed erous,” he eneral, and I shall return--”
”A king,” I whispered He should should be a king; all the fates shouted it be a king; all the fates shouted it
”I was going to say 'Aeneral he was, he picked me up and carriedcurtains around it, and laid me carefully on the leopard skins They felt cool and slippery underfor him to come join me, to hold me close to him How I had missed his touch in the past weeks, when he had been either absent or absent inproblems I realized with sadness that I had come to need him the same way that I needed rest, and fresh air, and the scent of flowers in the wind His presence was joy itself to me Just as I could exist without rest, or fresh air, or the perfume of flowers--in a prison--so I could exist without him, but his absence would make it a prison, noit always seemed as if he had never touched anyone but ine it, picture where he had got his learning, it sent stabs of jealous pain through ether we made a perfect whole: he my first love, and I his last In that way I could bear to remember Pompeia, and Calpurnia, and Servilia, and Mucia, andalways Cornelia, his early love
Now darkness enveloped the roouished the la toward ht, and when he held ainst him, I could only tremble with anticipation of what pleasures he had planned for that night
For , his chest rising and falling alht movement of the water underneath us The stillness that he was able to keep within hirab, he held back I began to wonder--had he gone to sleep? Was he so deep in his own thoughts that once again he was absent? Just when I hts, I felt him stir and turn to me One arm reached over to touchon his other shoulder
His hand--not as hard and callused as I would expect a soldier's to be-- caressedthe backs of his fingers across htest contours I closedit very soothing, but arousing at the saerew fir all the planes and hollows of h his fingers All the while he said nothing Finally he rose a little higher and turned and kissed ht as his earlier touches It caused such a surge of pleasure inpronited a fiery ian to touch my shoulders, my breasts, inning to be torture Outside the s I could hear the low gurgling noise of the Nile as it flowed past, liquid and yielding I feltflowers on the Nile, and to twine the and muscled, and I loved the hard, sleek feel of theown that was the color of the Alexandrian sky at dusk; it was one of my most prized possessions, because the silk had come not from Cos but from somewhere even beyond India, and it was as transparent as early ainst Caesar, it seemed to exist only as a layer of silkenI had forgotten it was even there--although no natural flesh is so shi+ny and perfect--until he deftly untied its laces and peeled it away
”The serpent's skin must be shed,” he said ”Come to me all new”
And I did feel as if I had left off a skin, or a forown fell to the floor beside the bed, so light it
”The tunic must follow,” I insisted It was already off his shoulders, and his chest was bare ”It is not wanted here” I pulled it off
Around us the slight breeze was puffing out the filht, playful winds keeps us company,” I said
”The Aurae should depart,” he said ”I wish no witnesses to our private hours” He kicked at one of the curtains, deflating it
”So even the Gods obey you,” I said I was longing for hi with desire for it
”So me in his arms But he seemed in no particular hurry to do the rest He slohen I would have hurried, and to this day I aed as it was, and at each stage I was like a thirsty ot a half-cup of water, so that no water seemed cooler or more delicious In the end he did not disappointGaul conclusively orth the nine long years it took,” he said, ”I have learned that there are ti of the tihed; I could hardly speak as yet Finally I said, ”Pleasure should always be stretched and pain shortened”
”No matter what they are in life, in e themselves in the opposite manner All pleasures are seen as foreshortened and hasty and fleeting, and all pain lingering” He raised hi at et these days with you My memory may shorten them, but it can never erase the above us ”How darkly you talk!” I said ”Why, I have made you sad!” Nervously I leapt up froht one of the lamps ”We ed to get the lamp lit, and it sputtered feebly into life I looked back at where he lay, sprawled in the bed linens, one sheet draped over his shoulder Around hi light he looked as bronzed as a statue, and for a moment his solemn expression rified into one Then he laughed, and held out his hand for the spiced wine I was pouring froold pitcher into an onyx cup
The royal barge plied its way up the Nile, and from our shaded pavilion on the upper deck atched the countryside slide past--bristly-topped pal heels, and fields of glowing green Our sails billowed and flapped; frohted them and hurried down to the banks of the river to stare at us as we passed
”The richest country on earth,” said Caesar, shading his eyes against the sun ”Mile after rain to feed the world” Was it wonder in his voice--or greed? Again, I felt a bit of fear ”Italy looks barren beside this, with its stony hills and little scrubby pines And Greece--a bare, rocky ground is all Greece is No wonder Greeks have to leave and live abroad”
”Oh, but Egypt is green only near the Nile Wait until you see the desert Egypt isribbon of fertility,” said Caesar, seearden”
”We shall be at the pyramids tomorrow,” I said ”And I shall show you the Sphinx”
”You have already shown me the Sphinx,” he said ”You are the Sphinx”
”I am no riddle! Nor am I unknowable,” I protested