Part 25 (1/2)
”Don't” I heard a treht”
”I don't think I did”
”Yes, you did You're a gooda goodLucian's words echoed somewhere between ood, really, Clay?
And I knew the answer: not good enough
But I thanked her anyway, knowing she ain if she ell
”I anant”
And with those words, I felt her fall irrevocably away from me All the hope I had harbored, but had been afraid to adrate
”That's wonderful, Aubrey That's really soain and we hung up
It seemed so unfair She would have the house, the children, the life I had wanted with her She would never endure what I had, would never knohat those months had been forAnd despite our reasons and expectations-realistic or not-I had surely let her down as ood ave her
I HAD NOT BEEN to Esad's since that first night The strap of bells against the glass sounded sharp and rill, the chicken and burgers and gyros, flooded ht in October
But tonight I was a differentat the same table This time I did not wait for him to summon me but walked directly to his table and sat down
”You let me believe lies”
His hair curled over his forehead as it had before, though this time I did not find his looks enviable His wool trousers did not sunac, yachts, or Cohibas
His watch, stainless, heavy, and surely expensive, did not interestacross htly ”But I never lied” He picked at his slacks, at the cuff of his cashmere sweater It reminded me of Richard, struck me as fastidious and affected
”And Mrs Russo?”
”What business is it to you?”
He was right I supposed that was between her and her God I did not expect to get a straight answer fro would not return her to rant me retribution, or help aze
”The story isn't finished,” I said
”Ah, the story,” he said coldly He tapped his chin in a htly hooked nose ”How about this I had a dreaht I dreareat ht beautiful, recasting thely mold I have known only in rotesque state that I barely recognized him except by his eyes and that presence I know to be his And when I shook free of it,drea at a s as they are, for all things ht when held up to the mirror of Truth”
”What does that have to do with anything?” My anger, e bubbled up all at once
His ht line ”I saw Lucifer the other day Still brilliant,as before-ittheir wear upon hi cloth wears at last upon the finish of an antique, as even kisses wear down the gold leaf of an icon But he's lovely yet” His eyes shone with terrible light ”It's al idyll of first Eden, before, though I have long since come to terms with all that has happened since To look upon hiain be-the perfect creature he once was But then, none of us are ere Even you, Clay” He looked atthat? Ruh your future is set and there's nothing you can do about it-living in the past, as we say? I don't care that you saw Lucifer! How does it finish? The story isn't finished!”
The dark slare ”But mine is And that is all I am concerned about I'm tired, Clay I came back to you, not because I wanted to, but because I was coame to end I must finish it So here I aet from me, for I know very well how my own story shall end Oh, there's more for you, a bit more, but this is the end as it pertains to you and iven way to yours Don't you see it, or are you still blind, you idiotic human? In the end, as I have said, it has always been about you”
”No” I said, e ”I don't see at all what this has to do with , it can't ever be published So there's some truth for you!”
”That doesn't matter”
”What do you !”
”No” Hiswhite teeth ”It wasn't I told you I needed to tell you o would find the opportunity irresistible Buthas been to tell you my story”
”Just to be heard? Just to ruindo you expect to live, Clay?”
”What?”
”I hope not very long”
My heart was beating erratically He glanced at hIt happened a long tio to the doctor in a couple of days, and he probably won't even properly diagnose it But here, what's a trifle to ift: restrictive cardiomyopathy”
I blanched ”What? What is that?”
”Look it up You're handy that way Be sure to inforht well miss it or, more likely, dismiss it as an anxiety disorder It doesn't reallythat could possibly save you by now is a transplant”
Sweat trickled down my sides inside my sweater ”Why? Why did you do this?”
”Because this is your life, Clay: fleeting, ephe, that El loved you And you have missed it Missed it all, co, worried about your life, your story Did you expect to live forever? Did you think this day would not come? It had to, if not in this way then in some other I've done you a favor!”
”What favor?” favor?”
”Still blind!” His eyes flashed with an evil I found both horrible and horriblyyou the truth about yourself more clearly than anyone ever hears it, I have shown you a choice that was before you all along But no, even now you cannot see it”
”What choice?”
In the sandwich shop the demon had been incensed, but here before me now, I knew the purest hate in the universe was leveled, in this moment, at me
”The truth, Clay! In the end I have told you the truth-a truth that, having heard, you are now doubly accountable for Yes, if you beco souls, what can I do about it? But reject the truth even by refusing to decide, and reap the consequence you rightfully deserve Do you hear that? That is accountability It is the sound of hell, calling for you! Having had such an extravagant gift offered you, your rejection can only result in dareater than that of those to whom it was never offered”