Part 10 (1/2)

And then I knew

The deh the entire Bible It was about his own li the church that day weeks ago, he said he had never been to hell

Yet

On a whim I searched the Internet for Lucian Lucian

Back caues of the Gods Dialogues of the Gods and and Dialogues of the Dead Dialogues of the Dead How fitting Lucian of Antioch, the saint Why would a demon take the naners, an actor, even a boxer How fitting Lucian of Antioch, the saint Why would a demon take the naners, an actor, even a boxer

Well, what's in a nas: Lucian”

I received: Lucian: Latin ”Light” Lucian: Latin ”Light”

Light?

I searched for Lucifer Lucifer I felt strange, deviant doing it I felt strange, deviant doing it

Lucifer: ”bringer of light”

I toggled back to the file containingof Lucifer's attempted ascent, of the darkness after its failure And then before that, to the flashi+ng stones of Eden that reflected the light of its governor It had all been noticeablyfrom the account in Genesis I wondered if it was anywhere in the Bible

Returning to the online Bible, I searched for Lucifer Lucifer The only linked passage that cae that came back was a reference fro star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!

I searched next for Eden Eden An entire list of references scrolled before my eyes I dropped down to the index results, to ”Garden of Eden” There I found ed my attention-until this: An entire list of references scrolled before my eyes I dropped down to the index results, to ”Garden of Eden” There I found ed arden of God; every precious stone adorned you:

I scrolled down through the passage frouardian cherub, for so I ordained you You were on the holythe fiery stonesYou were blameless in your ways from the day you were created till wickedness was found in youThrough your widespread trade you were filled with violence, and you sinnedSo I drove you in disgrace frouardian cherub, frorabbedIt was the same story except that, as before, the de

I had sworn I would not publish his story even if he were J D Salinger

Salinger never wrote a story like this

And again I had to wonder: Why h-profile editor Brooks and Hanover was a s house With titans like Si the earth-with Houghton Mifflin, even, right here in Boston-why choose es: My story is very closely connected to yours My story is very closely connected to yours

But how could that be?

I searched for Satan, Satan, half expecting to see a warning onontile word

I SLEPT, FINALLY, AROUND three in the ain just after five thirty

I couldn't go on like this Maybe that is his intent Maybe that is his intent I pictured myself five years into the future, a skeleton of a man, my eyes sunken into my skull, dark circles like black halos on pallid, sun-forsaken skin, ranting on street corners, and no doubt jobless I pictured myself five years into the future, a skeleton of a man, my eyes sunken into my skull, dark circles like black halos on pallid, sun-forsaken skin, ranting on street corners, and no doubt jobless

I got up for water, thinking I ought to return to bed, try to sleep solass atop a pile of proposals I had read the night before, the content of which I could no longer ree of links on Satan and Satan-related topics sprang to pixilated life I had asked about Satan on the verge of hysteria that day in the bookstore Now here I ith a bookmark on him

Lucian claimed he didn't knohere I wasat the screen, I wondered: Was I sealing my own fate with every hour, every ain, scraping the inside of my chest Could one be damned by association?

Stop it You'll make yourself crazy

I looked out myonto the darkness of Norfolk Street All aroundlives filled with norht People ent ho about the sas

I wondered if I would ever return to that life assue o back, resetreboot?

Just as I liftednotice appeared in the corner of my screen

14

That Tuesday, Helen, my editorial director, called me into her office

Helen Ness was a strange mixture of steely, old-school-style politics and a frozen-in-ti adulthood, had never quite progressed into the next thirty years As I entered her office, she pulled off her glasses They hung on a beaded chain and dropped down against her sweatered bust I took a seat in one of the two chairs in front of her heavy oak desk From here I could see that the lines at the corners of her mouth had directed bits of color froation canals

”I'm worried about you, Clay Even when you're here, you don't seem here Your skin is pasty, you look thin and worn out You look terrible” She sth, curled under at the ends I doubted it had changed style since her days at Se ”I don't know if it's your divorce or your health or what Sheila said you've been to the doctor a few times”