Volume I Part 21 (1/2)

During the first year of widowhood, the mourning card should have a black border one-fourth of an inch deep. The second year the border may be diminished one-sixteenth of an inch; and every six months after that, the same amount may be detracted from the border, until mourning is put off entirely. A widower's card has a border narrower than the widow's in proportion to the size of their respective cards. It, too, is gradually decreased in width until the end of the mourning period.

This graduation, or rather gradual narrowing, of the border is not used in the mourning of a sister's, brother's or parent's death. For these relatives, a border not less than a sixteenth or more than an eighth of an inch in width should be used. Mourning cards should not be a.s.sumed for an uncle, aunt or cousin, unless genuine sorrow and heartfelt sympathy are felt. A border that is a sixteenth of an inch in width is sufficient for the complete period of mourning for these latter relatives.

The mourning cards of parents and widows should bear the broadest black borders, but even they must not exceed the conventional width, which is not more than one-fourth of an inch. Very wide, glaring borders denote bad taste on the part of the owner. (See footnote)[1]

[1] There seems to be a tendency for widows to use, the first year of their mourning, cards that have borders measuring one-third of an inch in width. Certainly if one is in deep mourning, and genuinely sorrowing, a border of this width is permissible. But the one-quarter inch border, varying down to one-sixteenth of an inch, is always preferred, always in better taste.

WHEN THE WOMAN GOES A-CALLING

A visiting card is always left on the hall table or on the card tray, if it is not given to the servant. The caller must on no occasion carry it in and present it to her hostess like a _billet d'admission_. A woman _never_ presents it herself to her hostess.

When the call is made on the hostess' day at home, cards are left on the tray in the hall as each caller pa.s.ses through to the drawing- or reception-room. If it is the first call of the season, to that particular friend or acquaintance, she places one of her own cards and one of her husband's in the tray. Subsequent calls of the season do not require one of her own cards left each time in the tray; but if the call is made in return for some hospitality or entertainment accorded her and her husband, she leaves two of the latter's cards--provided, only, that the hostess is a married woman.

Until about 1893, women, when paying calls and finding that the hostess was not at home, turned down the left corner of the card towards the center, to indicate that all the women members of the family were included in the call. If the right corner was also turned down, it meant that the visitor came to make a formal call, not for the simple purpose of card-leaving. This custom has been entirely eliminated in America, at any rate, though it still prevails in certain foreign countries. And rightly so, for it is both affected and untidy.

WHEN MORE THAN ONE CARD IS LEFT

A wife beginning her rounds of first calls, leaves two of her husband's cards with one of her own. She repeats this when she comes to congratulate or condole, and when she pays her final calls of the season. It is wise for a wife always to carry a number of her husband's cards in her card case, as she is often called upon to use them for such social occasions that the busy business man is loath to attend.

If a wife calls upon a friend who is entertaining for a friend or relative and the invitation included her husband, she leaves three of his cards with one of her own if the hostess is a married woman, two of his and one of hers if she is single. She never leaves one of her husband's cards for an unmarried daughter. She should not use the card bearing both her name and that of her husband but should use two separate cards when it is in connection with social calls.

Etiquette does not permit a woman to leave a card for a man. She may call on a man only for the purpose of business, and then she uses her business cards, if she has them, instead of her social ones. A married woman calling upon a single woman who is the hostess and mistress of her own home, leaves one of her own cards and one of her husband's, or the joint card which is engraved, ”Mr. and Mrs. William Allan Beckford.” In many instances it may seem more courteous to leave more than one card, but a woman calling alone should never leave more than three. It has not been many years since she was almost compelled to leave half a dozen or more but common sense intervened and this custom like most others has been simplified.

SOME MORE POINTS ABOUT CALLS AND CARDS

A young lady during her first year in society may leave her name on the same card with her mother's. If there are two _debutante_ daughters, the joint card is made to suffice for all three. If a young lady using separate cards calls on a friend's day at home, she may put two cards into the tray on entering, if the hostess is receiving with a friend or daughter, or she may leave only one card, if she prefers. This is done only when the call is the first of the season, or when it is in return for some entertainment. Otherwise, if the young lady is a frequent visitor to the house, and calls on her friend's day at home, she need not leave her card.

Neither a matron nor a young lady may leave a card for a masculine member of the household. A young lady paying a chance call on a mother and daughters, and being told that the ladies are out, leaves two of her cards. An unmarried woman calling on her married friend leaves but one card. But if this friend has a friend or relative receiving with her, or if she has a daughter or daughters in society, then a card is left for each of the ladies.

An unmarried woman, living with a father or brother, and acting as mistress of the household, has cards left for her as carefully as the matron. A widow must also be given scrupulous attention in the matter of cards.

A young lady who calls after a dance, dinner or theater party leaves a card for the mother of the young friend upon whom she calls. If a mother gives a dance or dinner in honor of her son just returned from college, or just leaving for college, the ladies who attend call afterward only on the hostess and leave their cards for her.

Sometimes, one calls upon a friend or acquaintance at a hotel or inn.

If the ladies are out, the caller leaves cards marked for the persons they are intended, in pencil. Otherwise they are likely to go astray, considering the indifference and carelessness of the average servants.

It is also customary for both men and women, when paying calls in strange neighborhoods, to write on their cards their temporary address.

The corner that is opposite that used for the permanent address is devoted to the filling-in of this temporary address.

THE CHANCE CALLS

If a married woman calls in return for some hospitality shown her and her husband, she leaves two of her own cards and two of his. But if it is just a social call, she leaves only her own card. In this latter case, she asks at the door to see the ladies. If she is informed that they are not at home, she gives the card to the maid and departs. On the other hand, if the ladies are at home, the card is placed on the tray in the hall, and the caller goes into the drawing-room to be welcomed by her friends.

If the maid does not know whether or not the ladies are at home, and says she will see, the caller gives her own card and goes into the drawing-room to wait further word from the maid. Should the ladies be out, she leaves two of her husband's cards on the card tray in the hall before leaving. If the ladies are at home, she does not deposit her husband's cards in the tray until her departure.

Very often a lady will call on a very good friend, more for a friendly little talk and for companions.h.i.+p than for social duty. In this case, she is privileged to send up only one card; and leave it behind, whether that lady is out or in, without any other cards.