Volume I Part 14 (1/2)
A very bad fault is to attempt to guess at a name when it is not heard distinctly. It is perfectly correct to ask: ”Did Mrs. Roberts call you Miss Gray?” But never address the young lady as Miss Gray if you have the least doubt as to whether or not that was the name given. Her name may be Graham, or Grayerson! It is much wiser to ask and be correct, than to guess and be corrected.
THE CORRECT INTRODUCTION
Let us now consider the correct forms for the general introduction. For all ordinary occasions the simple form, ”Mrs. Johns, let me present Mr.
Brown,” is the best. Because it is brief, direct and simple it may be used effectively on almost any occasion. In introducing men to women, the woman's name is invariably spoken first, and the gentleman is presented to her. Several phrases that are quite generally used in social circles are: ”Mrs. A, allow me to introduce Mr. B,” or ”Mrs. A, Mr. B wishes to be presented to you,” or ”Mrs. A, may I present Mr. B?”
Such phrases as ”Let me make you acquainted with” and ”I want you to shake hands with” are awkward and altogether too casual. They should never be used.
When there is a great difference in the ages of two women, the younger is presented to the elder. Thus, if Mrs. Brown is an elderly matron, and Mrs. Smith is a recent bride, one would say: ”Mrs. Brown, let me present Mrs. Smith.” An unmarried woman is always presented to a matron in this manner: ”Mrs. Brown, may I present Miss Jones?” or ”Mrs. Brown, this is Miss Jones.” When it is hard to decide which of two married women is older, one may give due reference to both by introducing in this most satisfactory manner: ”Mrs. Brown, let me present Mrs. Smith; Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Brown.”
Similar distinctions are made in the introducing of two gentlemen.
Where there is no difference in age, t.i.tle or dignity, the introduction may be merely: ”Mr. White, Mr. Jones.” A young man is presented to an older man, a bachelor to a married man. However, if the bachelor is a venerable old gentleman, a married man is presented to him, in deference to his age. Citizens without official distinction are invariably presented to senators, judges, governors, etc.
When introducing a friend to one's parents it is correct to say, ”Mother, may I present Miss Smith?” or ”Mother, this is Mr. Jones.” The friend is always introduced to the mother first, then to the father.
Other relatives are introduced in the order of their age and position in the family.
In presenting a relative whose name is the same as your own it is unnecessary to repeat the name. For instance, ”Miss Daniels, do you know my sister, Mildred?” or ”Miss Daniels, may I present my brother, Harry?” If the name is different particular pains should be taken to p.r.o.nounce it. ”Miss Daniels, this is my sister, Mrs. Graham.” Or, ”Miss Daniels, may I present my brother, Mr. Franklin?”
GROUP INTRODUCTIONS
It is considered bad form to interrupt a conversation to introduce a newcomer. Always wait until the conversation has subsided before you venture to present a stranger to a group of people.
The best way to introduce a gentleman to a group of guests is to mention the names only, in this manner: ”Mr. Jones--Miss Smith, Miss Roberts, Mr. Frank and Mr. Brown.” Or one might say, ”Mr. Jones, let me introduce you to----” and then give the names of the guests in the group, being sure to mention the ladies first.
A lady is introduced to a group of people in the same manner. It is indicative of bad taste to conduct a young lady around a large room and introduce her individually to each stranger. Gentlemen should always be taken to her to be presented to her. It is only when the young lady is a _debutante_ or a youthful member of society that she is conducted across a room to be presented to some elderly dowager or to the guest of honor. It is inconsiderate to present any one person to a great number of others all at once. It is not only embarra.s.sing but the task of remembering anyone of the people introduced is hopeless.
THE CHANCE INTRODUCTION
Before we go any further in the correct forms for introductions, we will offer a word of caution that should be carefully heeded. Never introduce people to each other unless you are quite certain that it will be agreeable to both. For instance, if two young women of your acquaintance have been attending the same church for several years and yet do not greet or recognize each other, it may be a.s.sumed that they have a reason for remaining strangers. In such a case, an introduction could only be painful to both.
An introduction is not merely a trivial convention--a duty that must be attended to. It is an important ceremony, the very corner-stone of friends.h.i.+p. To be formally introduced is to have a certain demand on one's future good graces and friendliness. Thus, it is bad taste to introduce rashly and indiscriminately.
a.s.suming that you have no reason to believe that they do not wish to know each other, this is the best form to employ in introducing two young women, both of whom you meet at the same time: ”Miss Jones, Miss Smith.” This form should invariably be used in making public introductions, at church, the theater, the opera, etc. If the name of one of the young women has been forgotten, one may say, ”I'm afraid I have forgotten your name,” or ”Forgive me, but I cannot recall your name just now.” As soon as the required information is given, the introduction may proceed as above.
INCOMPLETE INTRODUCTIONS
Some careless hostesses neglect to complete introductions. This causes embarra.s.sment for both, or all, people concerned, and reflects discreditably on the hostess.
Who has not heard the otherwise charming hostess greet a friend cordially in this manner: ”Oh, how-do-you-do, my dear! Let me introduce Mrs. Allen, Mrs. Baker and Mr. Carter.” The young person who has just arrived can hardly avoid feeling a bit confused, and perhaps a bit slighted. And the people to whom this introduction was made will certainly feel embarra.s.sed when they meet the stranger again and must ask his or her name.
Another type of incomplete introduction is to draw two strangers into conversation by saying casually: ”Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Jones was at the opera last night and heard the same pianist you heard two weeks ago.”
This is hardly sufficient. The remark should have been either preceded or followed by a _bona fide_ introduction, though the smile and bow of the hostess as she speaks may be so cordial as to remove whatever feeling of constraint there might have been.
The incomplete introduction is careless and unkind. The hostess is unfair to her guests if she does not make each introduction definite and formal, if she does not p.r.o.nounce clearly the names of both people to be presented to each other.
INDIRECT INTRODUCTIONS