Part 8 (1/2)

Chip breathes deep into the phone and says, ”I love you man, not in my gay way, but as a brother. I'm gonna make her pay. Why don't I take it from here and I'll let you know if anything should happen? You just focus on getting past all this bulls.h.i.+t, heck, you're getting married in a few months.”

I interrupt him, ”By the way, I've been meaning to ask if you'd be a groomsman. What do you say?” I can hear his smile over the phone.

”For sure! I'd be proud to stand with you. After all, in my line of work it isn't often that you get to be part of a marriage that will last forever. That girl of yours, she's the real deal. A real catch.”

I smile and say, ”She thinks the world of you too. Awesome, thank you.”

”Remember, I got this now. You are no longer involved in this, okay?”

I pause for a moment and feel a weight lift from my shoulders. I gratefully say, ”Can't thank you enough.”

”No need to thank me at all. I'm gonna get back inside now and find some young hot hungry photographer that wants me to teach him a thing or two.”

I laugh and say, ”Well, good luck and be safe. Watch your d.a.m.n beer!”

Chip awkwardly laughs and then hangs up the phone.

I feel like such a burden has been lifted off me. Revenge is a horrible thing to get caught up in and Lyrics was being dragged into it too. I know Jennifer will get what's coming to her.

I call Lyrics and Mom answers the phone. She tries to pretend that she's Lyrics and I laugh and say, ”Come on, Ma, you think I can't tell the difference? How is the best mom ever doing?”

”Hanging out with our girl and Sophia, drinking some margaritas! Oh yeah, I'm doing very well.”

I laugh and say, ”So, can I talk to the other lush?”

”Dylan, he says he wants to talk to the other lush.”

Sophia grabs the phone and says, ”Well hey there, honey. Heard you want to speak with the other lush.” They are all laughing hysterically.

”Well h.e.l.lo. Ms. Sophia. Y'all having a great time, just the ladies?”

She loudly says, ”Oh, honey, it'd be impossible not to have a great time with these women. They're f.u.c.king fabulous!”

I can't help but laugh out loud. I ask, ”Ms. Sophia, could I please speak with the youngest partner in crime there?”

”You sure can, sugar. Dylan, he is begging to speak to you, the love of his life. He's going crazy without you in his arms.” This is a different side of her. Lyrics get on the phone and I can tell she's trying to hide that she's buzzed.

”Hey babe, whatcha doin'? We are talking about weddings galore. Can you even begin to imagine how beautiful Sophia is going to look for her wedding?”

”So exactly how many margs have you had?”

She slurs, ”One, two, four. Yep, four. Feeling tipsy here. You should come and join us.”

I laugh and say, ”Sounds fun but somehow I think you ladies are just fine without me there.”

Lyrics whispers into the phone, ”Do you know that I am gonna be your wife in about three months? Can you f.u.c.king believe that?”

”Baby, I am counting the days. Go have fun. I f.u.c.king love you so much! Call me later.”

”I f.u.c.king love you so much too.”

I hear mom yell to my dad, ”I f.u.c.king love you!”

I hear in the background, dad yells, ”d.a.m.n, woman, how much have you had already? Oh h.e.l.l, I f.u.c.king love you too, you crazy lady.” I can't stop laughing.

”See what you started. Love you, bye,” I say.

I take a deep breath and realize that for the first time in a while, I am truly happy. My head is clear and I feel completely me again. I decide that before I make Lyrics my bride, I want to have a house and get out of this apartment. I'm hoping that she'll want to get pregnant soon after our wedding, so it's time to get into a house. I call up my accountant, Stan and tell him my thoughts about buying a house.

He says, ”You made d.a.m.n near six million dollars so far from that Gap shoot, and more will continue to roll in. The smart thing to do is to find a house that is two million or less.” Hearing that amount out loud is f.u.c.king amazing. My heart is pounding out of my chest.

”So, I have two million to buy a house with and we'll still have plenty left over?”

Stan laughs and says, ”Kid, you are not going to have to worry about money again. Well, unless you turn into a dumb f.u.c.k, but I know you won't.”

I ask him if he can refer me to a real estate person.

”I'll call her and have her call you right away.”

I thank him and hang up. Two million dollars! If it were anybody else, I'd say I should wait, but it's Lyrics and I know everything she has ever wanted in a house, everything. I'm doing this! She is going to flip out.

Five minutes pa.s.s and my phone rings. ”This is Tani. Stan told me you are in the market for a new house.”

”Wow, that was fast.”

She laughs and says, ”Well, he mentioned you have quite a bit of money to spend. You made it to the top of my to-do list today.”

I chuckle and ask, ”So, what do you have on the waterfront to show me?”

”Mmmm, I like a man that knows what he's looking for.” I snort a little because from the sound of her voice, she is either much older or has had a series addiction to Marlboro reds.

”Tell me where you live and I'll come get you and we'll make a day of it.”

Without thinking I say, ”Is that normal?”

She responds in an almost offended way, ”I'm not gonna kidnap you if that's what you're worried about.” She's funny, I'll give her that. I tell her my address and she says, ”At those apartments?”

”Yes ma'am.”

She pauses and says, ”I'll see you in thirty.” I thank her and hang up. I hope Lyrics thinks this is as cool as I do.

I pull up some houses for sale, the ones on the waterfront. Turns out two million would put as at the lower end of these houses, but there are some amazing houses in that range. Besides, Lyrics is gonna s.h.i.+t when she finds out the price already. I see this house that is gorgeous. Five bedrooms, six bathrooms, two boat docks, a pool, Jacuzzi, outdoor kitchen, and there are music notes at the bottom of the pool. Holy f.u.c.k, this is the one! The asking price is exactly two million so I can offer less and buy a boat to fill one of those docks. I'm giddy waiting for Tani to show up. I'm in my low hanging jeans, an A&M sweats.h.i.+rt, baseball cap, and sneakers. A brand-new BMW, all black and s.e.xy as h.e.l.l pulls into the parking lot, and I'm certain it has to be her.

She pulls right up to me, rolls down the window and says, ”Hi, I'm looking for a s.e.xy man for a mid-day romp, are you him?” I take a step back and must look like I saw a ghost because she busts out laughing and yells, ”Get in, ya p.u.s.s.y. It's me, Tani.”

I think she and I will get along swimmingly. She is an older lady, very refined in her appearance, clearly not in her behavior. She's done well for herself.

”Do you have anything in mind?”

I pull up the house that I saw on my phone and say, ”Yes, this one right here. That is our new house.”