Part 2 (1/2)

I chuckle and run my finger down her cheek. I say, ”Remember Dylan, my best friend?”

She nods and points to her.

I say, ”Yeah, her. She's my fiance now. Even though a night with you sounds great, I have to excuse myself.”

In a high pitched voice, she says, ”What the f.u.c.k are you doing over here then?”

I stand up and say, ”Yeah, asking myself that same question. See you around.”

She gets up and says, ”Your loss, and if you remember correctly you'll agree.” I can't help but smile, she's right.

The amount of drinks I've had tonight has caught up to me. Walking over to Lyrics, I see two of her. Tyler is standing in front of her with one hand on her knee, which of course I see crystal clear. He pulls it off the moment I get close enough for him to notice me. I step in front of Lyrics pus.h.i.+ng Tyler back without touching him. I wrap my hand around the back of her hair and tilt her head up with a tug. Her reaction tells me that I crossed a line, probably many, but my kiss is forceful and relentless.

As I pull her closer into me, I move my mouth from her lips to her ear and growl, ”Don't ever let him touch you again. You are mine. Got it?” She gently pushes me back and stands up. I turn to Tyler and say, ”Dude, you're still here?”

Lyrics grabs my hand in a not so loving way, looks at Tyler and says, ”I'll talk to you later. Sorry.”

Tyler shakes his head and says, ”Think about it, Dylan.”

She begins to tug me through the bar towards the exit. I am so f.u.c.king drunk it's hard to keep steady. I yank her back into me and we both d.a.m.n near fall over.

She yells, ”What the f.u.c.k, Tanner?”

I smirk and slur, ”What the f.u.c.k to me, really? What the f.u.c.k to you! You're supposed to think about it, remember? Tyler told you to think about it, right? Think about what?”

She pulls away from me and says, ”Nothing. You're wasted and need to go home and sleep it off. What the h.e.l.l, Tan.”

Everything in me is screaming, ”Let it go,” but my intoxicated brain won't allow me to. The moment we step outside, in a lame attempt to calm the situation, I ask, ”Where's the taxi?”

Lyrics says, ”I stopped drinking hours ago, as soon as I saw how f.u.c.king drunk you were getting. I'm driving.”

Without missing a beat, I blurt out, ”Hey, I can catch a taxi if you want to go back in and hang out with your buddy.” f.u.c.k, wish I didn't just say that.

Lyrics slithers up close to my face and says, ”You know, in seventeen years, you have never treated me like this. You're right, I could go back inside and you know what, I could go home with him. Is that what you really want?”

What I want to say is h.e.l.l no, but instead this comes out, ”Listen, baby, you can do what you want. Maybe you should go get Tyler. At least he didn't allow himself to get the s.h.i.+t kicked out of him and f.u.c.king drugged and f.u.c.king f.u.c.ked.” I stumble to the truck and rage overwhelms me. I hear the skin peel away from my knuckles with the first punch to the tailgate but I feel no pain. Everything turns black and I hear nothing, see nothing, and feel nothing as I repeatedly take my anger and humiliation out on the innocent tailgate of my truck.

”Stop it, please stop it. Tanner, please stop!” Lyric's scream jolts me out of my fit. Hearing my best friend cry like that and seeing her shake with fear brings me to my knees. I don't want to hurt her like this, h.e.l.l, I don't want to hurt her at all. The feeling of wanting to disappear and get away from everything and everyone that reminds me of who I used to be is growing stronger and stronger.

Chapter 6.

'In your eyes, I see the uncomfortable face of a stranger.'

Lyrics The realization that this is going to be a h.e.l.l of a lot harder than I antic.i.p.ated hits me like a Mack truck. No matter what either of us has gone through in the past, being around each other made it instantly better. This is different though. This isn't some petty heartbreak. This is something neither of us is remotely prepared for. The moment he saw me standing in the doorway of his hotel room in Australia, his expression was obvious and clearly he was not happy about me being there. It's only been a couple of days since this happened, but the feeling of wanting to help him and being pushed away is driving me insane. For the first time, I feel uncomfortable with Tanner.

As we pull into the parking lot of the apartment, I ask, ”Are you staying at my place or yours?”

With a wobbly head and slurred speech, he looks at me with sad, once-full-of-life amber eyes and says, ”Don't care.” I help him out of his ridiculously high truck and without saying more than needed, wrap my arm around his waist as he slumps over me and we walk to the door. I open the door and somehow manage not to drop him on the way in. Making our way toward the bedroom, Tanner mumbles, ”I love this place. My best friend lives here.” I don't know whether to laugh or cry from his comment. I just say, ”Let's get you to bed.”

He stumbles and falls onto the bed and it's more than obvious that he's not going to be much if any help in getting him undressed. As I peel his s.h.i.+rt off, I notice that the unwanted souvenirs Jennifer scratched into his body are almost faded away. With each gentle kiss I place on his beautiful body, the thought of justice washes over me like a bubble bath filled with beautiful aroma therapy. Not the kind of justice that may or may not happen in a courtroom. I mean real justice, human justice. An eye-for-a-f.u.c.king-eye type of justice! Just as I mentally drift into an evil takedown plan, the familiarity of his heat radiates from his hand as he reaches up and touches my face.

He whispers, ”I love you.” His eyes shut and he's out.

I whisper in his ear, ”I love you too. Always have and always will.”

As I am leaving the room, my notebook catches my eye and I stall in my tracks. Music has always been my cure-all, even before I met Tanner. I've been so caught up in planning our wedding that I haven't written anything for months. I walk over to the table and grab my notebook with apologetic hands, open the drawer and grab a few pencils out, and head to the couch. So many emotions have taken my brain over that I don't even know what I want to write about. Maybe I should write a death metal song about how I'm going to murder Jennifer? Nah, she's not worthy of being mentioned in my notebook. I don't want her near my music.

I'm sitting on my couch with notebook in hand and absolutely nothing comes to me. All I can do is stare at my ring. Five months ago, when he asked me to marry him, nothing ever felt more right. There's a part of me that always knew he'd be my husband one day. It's my Tanner, of course we'd be married. It's not what happened that is killing me. It's that cold look in his eyes...the look of darkness and hate. It feels like the boy I have known and been side-by-side with for over seventeen years is gone and I'm not sure how to get him back or if he'll ever be that man again.

Unable to focus, I toss my notebook on the couch and climb into bed as quietly as possible. The alcohol escaping from his breath is practically making me sick but I can't take my eyes off him. He's so beautiful. The way his hair is falling onto his face, framing his eyes and lips makes him look so vulnerable and soft. I gently brush his hair back with my finger; he tosses a bit and quickly falls back asleep. I mold my body to his and drift off to sleep with him.

The phone rings and I jump out of my skin. I grab my phone and realize that it wasn't my phone ringing. I look at the clock and it is 9 a.m. I shake Tanner and say, ”Babe, your phone is going off.”

He peers through one eye at me and says, ”I'll call Mom back.” I lie back down and the phone rings again. Tanner raises his voice, ”Are you f.u.c.king serious?” He grabs the phone and says in a s.h.i.+tty tone, ”What?” His face turns stone cold as he stands up and walks out of the room. I can hear him speaking but can't make out the words. As he's heading back to the bedroom, he says, ”Thanks, bro. Talk to you soon.” He tosses the phone on the dresser and gets back into bed without saying a word.

After a minute pa.s.ses, I ask, ”Who was that on the phone?”

He looks at me, kisses my forehead and says, ”What time is my doctor appointment today?”

I look at him and ask him, ”What the f.u.c.king f.u.c.k, Tan? Who was on the phone with you?”

He rolls his eyes and says, ”It was Chip. Is that okay with you, Mommy?” He throws the covers away from himself and begins getting dressed. He says in a way that makes me want to throat punch him, ”Please tell me what time my appointment is.”

I say, ”2:30”

Tanner turns around and runs his finger down my face and says, ”Lyrics, I love you more than anybody else on this planet, but you gotta give me some s.p.a.ce right now. Chip called me with some information that I need. That's all you need to know.” I wanted to punch him in his broken nose.

Being very careful of my tone, I say, ”Tanner, n.o.body knows you like I do, so please don't ever speak to me like that again. I'm not some idiot groupie, I'm your fiance. If I have a question, I expect to get a G.o.dd.a.m.n answer. Are we clear?”

Tanner grabs his keys and says, ”Crystal clear. See ya later.” I pull away when he leans forward to kiss me. Tanner looks at me and looks down as he walks away. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but I feel like I'm in this alone. As soon as he leaves, I call Mom. Hearing Mom's voice instantly calms me.

She answers, ”Hi sweetie, how are you? Did Tanner get an appointment?”

”Hi Mom. His appointment is at 2:30 today, and I'm not doing very well and Tanner sure as h.e.l.l isn't either. It's as if he is mad at me for this happening to him. Don't you think I feel bad enough? I mean, she hurt him because I punched her. I wish I'd killed her.”

Mom cuts me off and says, ”Oh, Dylan, I'm sorry sweetheart. This is going to take time for him, for both of you. I was researching men that were s.e.xually a.s.saulted by women and in almost every case it states that the men feel shame and weakness. Tanner is such a smart man and always so protective over those he loves. Imagine how he is feeling now.”

Tears are flowing down my face like the Rio Grande. I say, ”I know and I am trying to understand and be there for him but he won't let me in. It's always been me and Tanner, Mom. Why won't he let me in on this?”