Part 13 (1/2)
But Laramie decided against it. It wouldn't be safe. Besides, a girl like Ariana shouldn't have to be exposed to such horrors. The men in the camp were used to seeing men diea”it would be a totally new thing for the young girl. One that could fill her sleep with nightmaresa”like those kinds of events had done for Laramie when he was a kid.
He made James as comfortable as he could and hoped that the man would make it to see another morning. Then Laramie thought of his mother's Bible. Carefully he took it from its hiding place and thumbed through the pages. He found a spot heavily marked in his mother's handwriting and began to read, his voice low but clear.
The pa.s.sage had nothing to do with death or dyinga”or of preparing oneself for the possibility. It was the story of Jesus calling the fishermen away from their nets. ”Follow me,” He had said, and his mother had, sometime in the past, written carefully beside the pa.s.sage, ”I have decided to follow Him, too. It has brought such peace and joy to my being.”
After Laramie finished the story he read on, page after page. He didn't know if the man lying on his bed could hear the words, but he himself needed them, even if James did not.
This life, this way of living made no sense. No sense at all. He had always had questions about it. Now he was more sure than ever. He would have wanted out even if the girl hadn't come into the camp. He had always wanted out. He realized that now. He had never really fit. There was something that had always held him back.
A sudden idea occurred to him, making his spine tingle with the thought. Could it possibly be that this mothera”this unknown person in his backgrounda”had somehow influenced his life? But how? Was this unseen, unknown G.o.d of hers holding him in check? He did not know. He wished he knew. He wished he knew more about this G.o.d. He was sure that Ariana had some of the answers, but he dared not go to her. He was sure to be watched. Everyone would be watched. The whole camp was like a powder kega”about to explode. Given time they would all destroy one anothera”and the girl too.
Laramie turned back to the Book in his hand. It was the only thing that seemed to make any sense.
Along about midnight he heard footsteps on the path. He recognized Sam's step; then there was a b.u.mp at the door and Sam pushed his way in. Laramie was glad to see him. He welcomed the man's company.
”How's he doin'?” Sam asked simply.
Laramie nodded toward the man, whose breathing was becoming more shallow. He made no comment. Sam could see for himself.
Sam pulled up a stool and sat down.
Laramie let his gaze settle back on the man occupying his bed. ”Was James his first namea”or his last?” he asked quietly.
Sam shrugged. ”I dunno,” he replieda”then gave a little snort. ”Most likely weren't neither,” he said. ”Coulda took it jest 'cause he liked it. Maybe borrowed it offa Jesse. Mighta made him feel big.”
Laramie looked back at the man. They really knew very little about hima”except that he wasn't fast enough with a gun.
Silence.
”Ya been to see the girl?” asked Sam.
Laramie looked up in surprise and shook his head.
”Figure she might be scared blue,” went on Sam. ”Bound to have heard the shots.”
”She'll be sleepin' now,” remarked Laramie.
”Iffen she is, she's in better shape then the rest of us,” replied Sam, reaching for his wad of chewing tobacco.
”Would ya mind lookin' in on her?” asked Laramie.
”Why don't you go?”
Laramie was silent for a number of minutes.
”Don't want to drag her in on this,” he said finally. ”Skidder's been lookin' fer a chance to draw on me fer months.”
Sam chewed and spit.
”Yer faster,” he said at last, avoiding Laramie's gaze.
His eyes narrowed. Was that the way Sam reasoned too? That a man, even a man like Skidder, had no value? That a snuffed-out life was nothing more than another grave to dig?
The thought troubled Laramie. He got up from his place by the bed and began to restlessly pace the cabin.
At last he wheeled to face the man he had known since he was old enough to recall anything at all.
”Is thet what this is all about?” he asked frankly. ”Was thet girl brought in here to force a showdown 'tween Skidder an' me?”
Sam said nothing.
”Was it, Sam?” Laramie demanded. ”Tell me. Was it?”
”Yer pa was jest anxious fer ya toato act a man,” replied Sam, and he spit into the corner.
Laramie's face blanched white. Then a red stain of anger began to flush his cheeks.
”Thet's 'bout the lowest thing I ever heard,” he muttered angrily. ”The lowest. To bring a girla”why didn't he jest call me out hisself?”
”Now, Kida”yer pa jest wanted ya to use yer gun 'cause he didn't want some low-liver shootin' ya in the back.”
”Why? Why? Am I any better thana”than Rawleya”or James? Is my life worth more thana”?”
”Don't go gittin' all in a knot. No harma””
”No harm? What do you think this little scheme has done to her? Holed up all these months in the camp ofa”of no-good desperadoes? What do yaa”?”
”Ya could have shortened it some,” said Sam with no apologies.
Laramie just stood and stared.
”By killin' a man?” he demanded, his voice like steel. ”I could have freed her up iffen I'd jesta”pulled my Colt and killed a man? And what would thet have accomplished. Kill onea”then there'd be anothera”an' another.”
He lifted a hand and pushed his Stetson back in agitation.
Sam shrugged. ”It gits easier,” he said casually. ”Jest the first one thet bothers a man much.”
Laramie stared, anger making his eyes glitter.
”Yer pa was jest thinkin' of you. Didn't want ya leavin' a string of one-arm gunslingers to track ya downa””
”So I shoot 'em all?”
The words were spoken in vehemence. Sam did not respond. The silence hung heavy in the log cabin.
”I don't think so, Sam,” Laramie finally went on evenly, his control back again. ”I don't think so. IaI'm at the place whereaI'd be willin' to die fer her, but IaI haven't come to the place where I'd be willin' to kill in cold blood fer her. An' the more I read in thet Bible, the more sure I am of thet fact.”