Part 2 (1/2)

I opened my eyes to see that I was back home. Although the dizziness subsided, I had a pounding headachea”as though I'd been partying all night. Was it a dream? It felt so real.

I looked down underneath the covers, sensing a gritty feeling on my body, and noticed sand clinging all over me. It couldn't have possibly been a dream, but how in the world did I get home?

I thought again of my encounter with Benjamin. He must have taken me. I remembered how he read my thoughts. It felt draining, as if I'd been running a marathon all day. It was like he sucked all the thoughts out of me and stole my energy, yet I felt this sense of release, like a part of me was convinced with satisfaction.

I got out of bed and glanced at the clocka”7:25 a.m.

d.a.m.n, late for work again. I needed to get ready fast, so I jumped in the shower, quickly rinsed the sand off me, got dressed and left.

Luckily, I arrived at work on time. Even though Jan was a great boss, I was glad she had the day off. I still felt strangea”as if my days were melting into each othera*but pulled myself together to finish out the day. I had my doctor's appointment and needed to leave an hour early.

”Peggy, can you cover for me? I have to go,” I asked her as she slipped one of the orders to the cooks.

”Sure, but you owe me one, Charlene.”

”Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

I got my jacket and punched out. ”I'll see you guys later,” I told the crew.

I pulled up to the doctor's office and took a deep breath before I got out of the car. It was cooler and about to rain. I feared the rain; it seemed like I changed quicker in the rain.

I scurried to the building, opened the gla.s.s doors and walked in. Doctor Mendell was a few floors up and normally I would take the stairs, but I was still exhausted from the night before and working all this morning. I decided to take the elevator.

I entered an empty waiting room, walked up to the reception desk and signed in. Before I could even sit down and grab a magazine my name was called.

”Ms. Peters, the doctor will see you now,” the nurse said.

I stepped into the third room down the hall and instantly felt claustrophobic. The small room felt closed in without any windows, and the fluorescent lights were dragging me into a deep fatigue.

”He'll be right with you,” the nurse said.

I waited for another twenty minutes. My mind raced as to what to say. I remembered what Delmara said, that ”lies create truth.” I didn't want to lie, but I didn't know how to express myself about my previous life. If I did tell the doctor, he wouldn't believe me. There was only one way I could express it.

”How are you, Charlene?” the doctor asked as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He shuffled around some papers as he took a seat at his desk.

”Okay, I guess.” However, I wasn't okay. I wondered what kind of little white lie would do. I was beginning to think everything I said was a lie. Feeling unsure, I paused for a moment and looked away, but his words slapped me back in the here and now.

”What's going on with you? How are the meds working out?”

”Well, I am still working at Lucky's three times a week. Jan is really good about my schedule.” I had to get the boring, mundane stuff out of the way first. It felt rude of me to just blurt out and say, Yeah, I have a problem with this and a problem with that and so on. ”I think I am getting side effects from the meds.” That was definitely not a lie. I was blaming my dizziness and headaches on the meds, which could have been the case, but it could have also been from transforming into something else.

”Is there anything you would like to talk about?” the doctor asked.

Okay, here's my opportunity to just blurt it out, I thought. ”I feel like a demon.”

I couldn't believe it just came out, and in a way wanted to take it back. Geez, I thought. How am I going to explain this?

”Many patients with manic depression feel that way, Charlene. It is good to express yourself. Go ona”

I sighed with relief and continued.

”Well, I can't sleep much, but when I do I feel like I black out. When I dream, it feels so real.” I thought I could infer about my previous life as if it was just a dream. I remembered our last visit, when I had also tried to explain things to him. This wasn't the first time. ”She was me, and I was her. It was like we switched bodies or something, but my body now feels ugly, hideous even. I've been repulsed by what I've been seeing latelya”especially at night, when I am alone.”

”That is a natural feeling to have, Charlene. Now tell me more about this dream,” the doctor said, while jotting down some notes.

”This girl, who was meain another life, say.” I hesitated a little, as if the walls were going to crumble down, or Delmara appear right then and there and swoop me away, but nothing happened, so I continued. ”IaI mean sheahad a son. He was five at the time. It was like I was watching her all her life. I even remember her childhood.” I paused, reminding myself that it was my own life I was talking about. I didn't want to seem too weird and have the doctor think I was having another manic episode, so I slowed my speech down, took a deep breath and started talking about ”my life” again.

”She was making him something to eata”Drake was his name.” The thought of saying my son's name out loud gave me the chills. ”She was thinking of suicide, as I could hear her thoughtsa”within this dream of mine, I mean. I noticed her glancing out the window near the lake.”

I remembered how Traverse City looked the time I actually did look out the window near the lake. It was October, and the leaves were truly magnificent with their rustic and lemon-yellow colors. I couldn't believe I was just a few miles away from where I originally lived and yet I hadn't seen them before. I paused for a few moments, looking off to the side again, remembering the day I decided to change my life forever.

”Charlene?” the doctor called, snapping me back to reality again. ”You suffered a traumatic event just little over a year ago. You were lucky to have been found that day.”

”Huh?” I still had vague memories of the transformation between the time I died and the time I was reborn in the hospital a different person.

”They found you by the lake November of last year. Don't you remember? If that man hadn't found you, you wouldn't be here today.”

November? It was October twenty-first. I would know; it was my twenty-second birthday that day I walked out onto the bridge and plunged myself into the waters below. Dear G.o.d; that meant I'd been dead for nearly two weeks before I transformed into what I am now, but how could that be?

My mind flooded with thoughts. Everything was clouded. I saw flas.h.i.+ng images of me being under water, floating further and further down. I could feel this blackness sucking me down underneath the sands of the lake, and then the image was gone.

”Charlene!” the doctor said loudly. ”You seem really distracted. I know it's hard not knowing your life before the accident. Many people that experience amnesia never find out who they really are. In some rare cases, like yours, no family comes along to help the patient. It could be years before someone comes out of the woodwork and claims to know you. It has only been a year; give it time.”

However, I knew who my family was, that was the whole point, yet I didn't say anything to the doctor.

”I gotta go,” I said suddenly, getting up from the chair.

”Cutting the session short? We still have fifteen minutes.”

”Ummayeah. I need to get back to work.” It wasn't a complete lie as Peggy called earlier, leaving me a message about covering her for an hour. She mentioned something about having to pick up her son. Even though I hadn't responded yet, my intentions were to go back. ”Yeah, Doc, I need to leave.”

I had to get out of there, and fast. A tidal wave of memories came over me. If I didn't hold it together, I would crumble quickly, and I couldn't have that happen. My tears would stream down in a thick, white glue-like texture. I pulled myself together and wished him a good day.

As I got up and walked into the hall, I noticed part of my file was still sitting in the pocket on the wall. I carefully slipped it inside my coat and left. If my doctor wasn't going to help me, then I would find the help myself.

After I exited the building, I got to my car, plopped the file in the back seat and went back to work.

Chapter Six.

I finished covering for Peggy at around a quarter to three and decided to go straight back to my place.

I grabbed the file from the back seat of my car, got out and walked to the back of the building. David was outside, by the door, smoking a cigarette. At first he looked at me as if I was a stranger to him, and then at second glance, he seemed to light up.