Part 3 (2/2)

My whole nature was al out for sti the period that I abstained from them, and for teeks before I touched or tasted theony was unbearable In , and drearew fiercer and more unbearable, until in my misery I walkedthat if I lay down I should die One night, about a week before I yielded, I walkedthe tor, and rushed out of h the woods, panting and gasping for breath I felt thatto pieces My blood boiled, and hissed, and foah h it would burst out of my body At that time I would have torn the veins of ht came, I found that I had walked and run seven ht All that day I was burning up for liquor Had I been where I could lay my hands on it, a thousand tih it steeped my soul in rivers of death

In just this condition I went to Indianapolis to address the Woman's Temperance Convention I felt that I would drop dead before I finished ht I did not sleep more than an hour, and that was a miserable hour of sleep, in which I drea thirst, and sharp pains darting throughto my head, and when I attempted to walk, h knives were driven through it The next day and night I fought it like a tiger, but ets tired at last of fighting an ene that he must confront that same enemy the next day, and the next, for one can not live always on a strain, always in fear, and doubt, and dread The next day I started for Richo froot to Richmond, haunted, every inch of the road, with an inexpressible longing for stiet a little rest froht of ould be the result of touching it forced itself on ony was so terrible that I could feel the sweat strea water from my hair

If ever there was a man in ruins, a perfect spectacle of utter desolation, I was thatup for whisky

Had I been standing on red-hot es could not have been more intense I feel that I can alo and ask God to help you” I have been told to do that ten thousand ti men and women, who do not kno to pray as I do, and never will until (which God forbid) they have suffered as I have I did pray, and beg, and plead for mercy and help, but the heavens were solid brass and the earth hard iron, and God did not hear or heedthe appetite for stimulants removed by prayer!

That appetite is just as much the part of a man as his hand, heart, brain, or any other part of his body Every one of God's laws are unchangeable and immutable The day of miracles is over When one of God's creatures violates his laws, he must pay the penalty; and I think it would be far better to educate the rising generation that there is no escape for them from the consequences of their acts, than to preach them into the belief that they may for years pursue a course of dissipation, violate every law of their being, and then by prayer have the chains of habit stricken off and be restored whole

Then there is another class of individuals who have said to et into that condition, when you feel that you must have liquor, why don't you just take a little in moderation?” Moderation! A drink of liquor is toof dry powder You can just as easily shoot a ball froazine slowly, as I can drink liquor moderately When I take one drink, if it is but a taste, I must have ulf me the next instant I am either perfectly sober, with no smell f of liquor about me, or I am very drunk So their moderation a little every day, and also some pretended temperance people, who are always suspicious of others, because they are sneaking, cowardly, sly, deceitful and treacherous the me if I do not drink a little all the time And then they say I usethat hasthat it is just as impossible for ; that is, to take a drink of liquor without getting drunk And if there is any one thing that will make me hate a man--loathe, abhor, and despise hi any kind of stiularly and moderately I just want to say here, now, and for all time, that they who thus accuse me, lie in their teeth, mouth, throat, and away down deep in their dirty, cowardly, craven, black hearts

I walked from the depot in Rich store kept by a young man I have known for five or six years He keeps nearly all drugs in barrels, atered, and drinks theularly, and, as he calls it, moderately That is to say, he has not been sober for five years Always full, bloated, i himself, and would suffer as keenly as any brute is capable of suffering, at the thought of any one else who is in the habit of drinking beco back in a chair dozing, dreaets I asked hileam of joy than lit up his brutal face never sat upon the hideous countenance of a fiend fresh fro at the saht” I looked at hietting drunk was going to afford hi, and almost bereft of reason, as I was, his look and act caused me to hesitate and wonder what manner of man it was that was so utterly base and heartless as to rejoice at the ruin of one whose continued prayer is to live and die sober Then and there I prayed God to deliver me from such friends, and keep me from their accursed influence hell knows no blacker deforradation Satan was as much a friend of human happiness when he slimed into Eden In ly, stand in the path of anyto prevent aa better life, and I have never broken that resolution I gathered strength and courage enough, by a desperate effort, to get out of the store without drinking, and started in an opposite direction froone but a short distance, when there was no longer any enduring of the torture I turned back and went into another drug store, and told the proprietor that I was sick, and asked hiave it was not to bla about me, nor the fiendish thirst hich I was possessed; and while he was not e, and when I took the glass, I read ”death” in it just as plainly as ever ”death”

ritten upon the field of battle I hesitated a led, but could not let go of the glass I felt the hot, scalding tears coht if I could only die--just drop dead; but I could not, yet I felt that I was dying ten thousand deaths all the tilass and drank death and damnation! I drank the red blood of butchery and the fiery beverage of hell! It glowed like hot lava infire was kindled A wild glow shot through every vein, and within th I had now but one thought, but one burning desire that was consuers' ends, and out in a burning flush upon my cheek Drink!--DRINK! I would have had it then if I had been coot it just one step this side the regions of the damned I went to a saloon and commenced to pour it down, and continued until I was crazed All power overaroundre to keepthe cars I don't knoho they were, or what they said I got to the city that night, and staid at the Galt House I have no re from the time I left Rich head, swollen tongue, burnt, black, parched lips, and a thirst for whisky that wasDeath would have been kindness co

And here let e me for a while, that I may explain just the condition I was in, both physically and mentally I know just how much charity I am to expect and receive from the corrupt wilderness of human society, for it is a rank and rotten soil, frorows All that in a happier field and purer air would expand into virtue and germinate into usefulness is converted into henbane and deadly nightshade I kno hard it is to get huard one's acts as other than his deliberate intentions But of being a drunkard by choice, and because I have not cared for the consequences, I am innocent I can say, and speak the truth, that there is not a person on earth less capable thanhi and sin I will never believe that a man, conscious of innocence, can not ht I have been miserable allaccused of wickedly doing that which I abhor, and against which I have fought with every energy I possessed The greatest aggravation of my life has been that I could not make mankind believe, or understand, my real and true condition I can safely affir to ht misfortunes compared to this I have for years endeavored to sustain rity; but the voice of no man on earth echoed to the voice of my conscience I called aloud, but there was none to answer; there was none that regarded Toas the tenetic virtue, the hidden essence of our life, was extinct Nor has this been the whole suent existence, see before me in its fairest colors, only the er Ten thousand times I have been prompted to unfold the affections of uish, until my reflections continually center upon and within myself, where wretchedness and sorroell, undisturbed by one ray of hope and light It seems to me that any person but a fool would know that I had not purposely led the life of misery that has marked my steps for fifteen years It would have been er in uish a thousand ti at Cincinnati if I had known that one single drink would have obliterated my body, soul, and spirit I had no power to resist; and to prove that I was powerless, let us see what effect alcohol, in its physiological aspect, exerts

Alcohol possesses three distinct properties, and consequently produces a threefold physiological effect

1 It has a nervine property, by which it excites the nervous system inordinately, and exhilarates the brain

2 It has a sti property, by which it inordinately excites the muscular motions, and the actions of the heart and blood-vessels

3 It has a narcotic property The operation of this property is to suspend the nervous energies, and soothe and stupefy the subject

Now, any article possessing either one, or but two of these properties, without the other, is a si compared with alcohol It is only because alcohol possesses this coans, and affects several functions in different ways at one and the same time, that its potency is so dreadful, and its influence so fascinating, when once the appetite is thoroughly depraved by its use It excites and calms, it stiizes and exhausts, it exhilarates and stupefies simultaneously Nohat rationalcourse of fever, when his nerves were i, and his strength reduced, that he would be able, through all the coovern his tastes, control his hts and actions? Yet these same persons will accuse, blame, and curse the man who does not control his appetite for alcohol, while his stomach is inflamed, blood vitiated, brain hardened, nerves exhausted, senses perverted, and all his feelings changed by the accursed stuff hich he has been poisoning himself to death, piecemeal, for years, and which suddenly, and all at once, th over hiht a thousand battles, every one more fearful than the soldier faces upon the field of conflict, where it rains lead and hails shot and shell, and I have been victorious nine hundred and ninety-eight times How many of these who blame me would have been more successful? A man does not come out of the flale and conflict, and woe; but at last, and finally, it is glorious victory And if my friends will not forsake me, I will promise them a victory over rum that shall be complete and entire I have neither the heart nor the desire to attempt a description of my drunk at Cincinnati Those who have never been in that condition could not understand it; and to those who have, it needs no description

I was at the Galt House for about ten days, and during all that ti as if I had been dead and buried; I did not know day fro the whole ti thirst for whisky that see me The more I drank, the et no sleep, so I just staid up and drank all night, until, for the want of slu days and nights I knew fro! None who have ever even seen a victim cursed with deliriuain No hue can describe it; but its scenes burn in the eyeball so deeply that they never pass away During the tiinery of hell is planted in the victim's brain and he subject to its terrible tor the trerace and shame for the man who can drink liquor to intoxication for ten years, and escape the drunkard's madness, than there is for thethat period Treht about by the effects of the liquor upon the brain and nerves, and the less brain or nerves a man has the less liable he is to be a subject of the treines that everything is real, and thinks and believes every object he sees actually exists With this explanation, I will now proceed to tell what I have seen, felt, and heard, while in that condition

I had felt the deliriu on the verge of aas I involuntarily leaned over and looked down into the vortex which ination opened before me; and I could see the lost writhe, and hear theies The wail, the curse, and the awful and unearthly ha! ha! caot into that condition that not one drop of sti for ht hours every drop that I drank In that condition I went into a saloon and asked for a drink; and as I trely poured it out, a snake shot its head up out of the liquor, and with swaying head, and glistening eye looking at ue, and hissed in my face I felt lass untouched, and walked out on the street By a terrible effort of my will, I, to some extent, shook off the terrible phantoet soht escape the terrible torht of touching the accursed stuff again, I could see the head of that snake, and could hear ten thousand hisses all around h every vein ofto death for more whisky At that time I would have marched across a mine with acannons for et a drink to stay on et home before I died; for I felt that this time there could be no escape from death This ti and shuddering in every liain that liquor turned to snakes, and they crawled around the glass, and on the bar, and hissed, writhed, and squirmed Then in one instant they all coiled about each other, and matted themselves into one snake, with a hundred heads; and froues hissed at me I rushed from the saloon, and started, I did not know or care where, so that I ht escapeas large as a calf sprang up before rowl and snap atto defend myself; but just as soon as I took that stick in my hand, it turned to a snake I could feel its sli to hold it to keep it froer-nail cut like a knife into the palm of my hand, and the blood strea snake hell is a heaven compared to what I suffered at that ti froot to some depot, I don't knohat one, and took the cars I didn't know or care where I went; at about ten miles above Cincinnati I left the cars At times, for a little while, I could reason and understandaround, that I was in a little tohere a young e mate of mine I went and told hi that one friend can do for another

But as night came on my tormentors returned in ten thousand hideous for mad I went to a hotel, and there they persuaded ot to bed I reached hted up with a hundred bright lights, and that corpse, that now appeared tothat had ever been visible in hulassy, dead eyes, and stared me in the face Then its whole face and forlared at me, and its whole face was full of passion, fierceness and frenzy I shrank back fro around, I beheld everything indevil Chairs, stand, bed, and my very clothes, took shape and form, and lived; and every one of theer and more hideous than all the others, appeared Its look was that of a witch, or hag, or rather like descriptions that I had read of theht up to rave It began to talk to h , bony, skeleton-like fingers, that looked like sharp knives, and ha! ha! Then it said it would sit upon me and press me to hell; that it would roast me with bri this, it sprang at ht the unearthly thing At last it said, ”Let lided to the door, and as it went out, gave me a fiendish look, and said, ”I will soon be back, with all the legions of hell; I will be the death of you; you shall not be alive one hour” I left my room, and just as soon as I touched the street I stepped on a dead body The whole pavement and street were filled;with their pale faces turned up to heaven; soh they were asleep; others had died in awful agony, and their faces wore horrid contortions; while some had their eyes burst from their heads Every time I moved I stepped on a dead body, and it would come to life, and rear up in my face; and when I would step on a baby corpse it would wail in a plaintive, baby wail, and its dead mother would come to life and rush aton the dead I would tre, and try to find some place to put round, so that I could neither walk nor stand without being on a corpse If I stepped, it was on a dead body, and it would rise up and throw its ar on it; and it was in this way that I put in that whole night

When light dawned the horrible objects disappeared to some extent, and by a terrible effort I was able to control my mind, and reason on ht I would eat soth The very moment that I sat down to the breakfast table, every dish on that table turned to a living, , horrid object

The plates, cups, knives and forks becas, scorpions, and commenced to live anda bite I went back to the city that day I had but just got there when I wanted so the day I drank as ot ot as far as Connersville, where I re for three or four days, and then coot so weak that it ith the greatest effort that I could stand on ain with tenfold fury My terrible fear gave th I left the house, and started out on the road, and in an instant I was surrounded by what seeh hell had opened up beforeflame was all around me I could feel my hair and eyebrows scorch and burn; then in a e I could hear a thousand voices, all talking tome with some horrid death; then I would be surrounded ild ani at me, while devils told er took led it to pieces, and tore that arm fro, would co wound, froony, devils would laugh a horrid, devilish laugh I looked down and saw a jug of liquor at et it I heard the click of a hundred pistols, and a grinning black devil threw his claws over the jug; then devils and witches boiled the whisky I could see it on the fire, and hear it seethe and foam; then they danced around me, and said they had the liquor so hot that it would scald me to death; then they pried open my mouth, and poured it downout of ue out of ue turned to a snake, and with forked tongue hissed aton a railroad track; I could just see the headlight of the engine and hear the faint rumble of the cars, and when I tried to move off the track I found I was tied with a hundred ropes

It seemed to me there were a hundred devils up in the air, and each one had hold of a rope that ound around my body in such a way that I could notcloser and closer, faster and faster; the light of the engine looked like one horrid eye of fire; I could hear the rattle and rush of a thousand wheels; it was co I could feel the beating of my heart, and ine ran up tome The devils cursed and howled because the cars did not run over me; they said the next time there would coine, and threw in cats and dogs, men, women, and children I could hear them scream as the hot flames wrapped theine was red-hot I could see the grin of skeleton deine to move back; and back, back it went, until I could just see a faint light; then, at the wild, cursing, screaain, faster and faster, closer and closer, and that engine ran at ht It sees were just as intense, as if it had been a reality Whenthat they would coht, and thus I was tortured all day with the dread of as co, hens and chickens would turn into little men and women; they were dressed up in bloody clothes; they would surround me, and pick my body full of holes; then they would pickfroht ca in all parts of the house They would gather about me and whisper and talk about some way in which they would kill me; then the ould be full of cats, and I could feel little kittens in my pockets; and when I walked I would step on kittens, and they would h the s, and clawcats, and pound me with them until I was surrounded and walled in with dead cats The more I suffered, and the harder I tried to escape, the more intense seemed their joy The room would be full of every loathso me in the face and eyes Then the room would fill with rats and mice, and they would run all over me Then ten thousand devilish forms would all rush at me There were human forms of every size and shape Some of them had the face and look of a delared at ashed to the very spine, while every one of the the cause of their misery Then devils and men would rush atsharp, red-hot spikes throughfrom my wounds until my clothes were covered with it Then they would take red-hot irons, and burn and scrape my flesh from my bones They would pull and tear my teeth out, and dash them in my face Then they would take sharp, crooked knife blades, and run theh my body, and tear , burned and quivering flesh, and it would turn to bloody, hissing snakes Then I looked and could see ain, and I heard voices underthat they would bury me alive At this the devils seized h the air At last they stopped, and I heard a heavy door open They dragged me into what they toldbut solid walls The floor was stone, and slippery and sli over the floor They would run upto escape from them I struck a coffin; it fell on the hard stone floor and burst open; then the roohted up, and the skeleton fro, slimy snake crawled up and wrapped the skeleton to the very neck; and that horrid thing of bones, with a living snake coiled all about it, walked up to ive the least idea of the horrid sights and sufferings in the drunkard's madness