Part 12 (1/2)

'She won, though,' said Jesse loyally.

'Yeah, but only because the bleddy teachers didn't understand it either. They only gave her first prize 'cos they couldn't face her mother complaining.'

''Er mum's all right, really,' Jesse said.

'Yeah. Course she is,' Loveday added quickly. She hadn't meant to be so mean about her friend. She blamed it on the whisky and being made to wear a dress that looked horrid.

'No ... it's just that, well, that's my new family we're laughing about.'

They sat in silence, absorbing this reality.

Loveday moved to stand up. 'Well, I only came to see if you were all right, that's all, and you look fine to me.'

Jesse put his hand up and stopped her. 'Don't go. I like you being here.'

Loveday touched his blond hair and stroked it. 'Do you?'

'Yes.'

Loveday sat down slowly. 'How nervous are you about tomorrow?'

Jesse stretched up, leaned back and blew a long breath out of his mouth. 'To be honest, I'm s.h.i.+t scared. Am I doing the right thing, Loveday?'

'Course you are, Jesse.' She gave him a rea.s.suring smile. 'You're marrying Greer. How can that be wrong? You're going to be part of a new company. You'll make money and drive a flash car and have holidays in Spain. Of course you're doing the right thing.'

'Then why does it feel so wrong?'

'What are you talking about?'

'It feels wrong. I'm only twenty-one and I'm not sure if I want to marry anyone ... not just Greer. It's not her fault.' He stuck the heels of his hands over his eyes and almost soundlessly said, 'The truth is I'm scared.'

Loveday came off her chair and knelt in front of Jesse. 'Scared of what, darlin'?'

'Just plain scared.'

She hesitated, then put her arms round him and rocked him soothingly. 'It's all right, darlin'. I'm here. What you're feeling is normal for a bloke. Getting married is a big day, but that's all it is. A big day, then everything gets back to normal. You'll go on your honeymoon and when you get back we'll all still be here. Just the same. Nothing changed.'

'That's what makes it so frightening. Nothing will have changed and nothing will change till the day I die. Trevay, the boats, my family, you and Mickey. All the same. I'm stuck.'

'What nonsense is this? You're not stuck. You'll have money to go anywhere in the world, do anything you want.'

'With Greer and her money.'

'With your wife and your money.'

He took his hands from his eyes and looked desperately at Loveday. 'I've made a mistake. I'm ... I'm marrying the wrong person.'

Loveday let go of him and sat back on her heels. The wind had picked up again and the sound of the wires on the masts of the boats in the harbour travelled up the lane, past St Peter's, and now swirled through the crack in the door of the Behenna shed. 'What are you talking about?'

'I should never have let Dad persuade me.' He looked at her in desperation. 'It's you, Loveday.'

He had crossed the Rubicon. The words were spoken. The truth was told. Loveday's heart was hammering in her chest. She felt faint and a bit sick.

'Me?'

He nodded.

Outside the first flurry of snow twisted in the wind.

Inside she leant forward and kissed him.

'What are we going to do?' Loveday was lying on the makes.h.i.+ft blanket of Jesse's parka.

'We could do it again.' He traced the soft dough of her stomach from her belly b.u.t.ton to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She shut her eyes to enjoy the pleasure of him squeezing her nipples and taking each in turn into his mouth and sucking gently on them.

'I mean about Mickey and Greer.'

He took his lips from her sweet breast and moved up her body to look into her eyes.

'I don't know.'

'I don't want to hurt Mickey.'

'Kiss me.'

'I don't want to hurt Greer.'

'Kiss me.'

His kiss was gentle and she couldn't help but kiss him back. Gently they made love again.

Outside the wind caught hold of something and the bang woke Loveday.

'Oh my G.o.d. Look at the time.' Loveday was holding her watch. 'We've been here for ages.'

Jesse, curled round her hips and thighs, woke groggily. 's.h.i.+t.'

The almost empty bottle of whisky, regarding them from the top of the dusty metal desk, stood as the sole witness to their crime.

They dressed in near silence, pa.s.sing each other a stray sock or lost shoe.