Part 40 (1/2)
”I don't know.”
She looks at me funny. Other girls crowd around now, pus.h.i.+ng to see. While we're watching, Derek sways and pitches forward. He'd be flat on his face if the two guys next to him didn't have quick reflexes.
I make a weird startled sound.
The camera cuts away to the director. Mr. Tall Wispy Beard keeps going like the guy I love didn't just turn white as death and keel over. When the camera goes back to them, the boys are singing as if nothing happened, except Derek and his two rescuers aren't in the picture.
The whole choir stares at me. I'm frozen. I've got to move. I've got to get up there. Now. How far is it? Will Jeannette get me all the way to Toronto? Of course. She's solid, but how will I find him?
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
I thaw enough to hold out my hands. ”I need cash.”
Girls in long s.h.i.+mmering red run to purses, shove fives and tens in my hand. Meadow's got a stack of twenties.
I grab my purse and jacket and head to the back door. ”Tell Terri I'm sorry. You guys can do it without me.”
”Your gown! ” Leah calls. I'm not supposed to go outside in it, but to h.e.l.l with that. I'll try not to drag it through the snow and mud in the parking lot.
I push through the door and plow smack into Scott.
He catches me by both elbows. ”How did you know I was out here?”
”Let me go, Scott.” I try to wrench away. ”I have to leave.”
”Are you okay?”
I can't answer him.
He still doesn't let go. ”Listen, Beth. I'm just going to say this one more time. I'm here. Look around.”
”Let me go! ” I flail my arms and break his hold. ”I don't have time for you, Scott.” I turn and rush away, cringe at how cruel those words echo in Scott's stunned silence behind me.
He shouldn't have gotten in my way.
He shouldn't have gotten in my way.
He shouldn't have gotten in my way.
If I say it enough, I'll believe it. Maybe even he will, too. As much as my heart is racing for Derek, I don't want to hurt Scott. I care for him-more than I should. And I owe him. He'll never know it, but he rescued me again and again during this impossible blank time.
As I speed up I-94, the numb shock that got me out of the concert and onto this freeway pus.h.i.+ng Jeannette to her max speed warps into absolute terror. What ravaged Derek like that? What's taking him away from me? He said it would get better. I believed and believed and believed. c.r.a.p. He just fainted on TV, and they all kept on singing.
I'm going to find him and force him to tell me everything. No more nice, purring Beth making believe everything's fine, waiting and waiting and waiting. The Beast is loose, and she's not going back in her cage.
My cell rings as I'm pa.s.sing that dumb giant tire marking the outskirts of Detroit.
”What in the world-”
”I don't even know, Mom. It's Derek. I'll probably stay up there.”
”Where?”
”I'll call back when I know.”
I get all the way to the border before I realize I don't have a clue where I'm going. There's a line of cars way backed up, so I start dialing Blake's cell. Over and over and over. He finally picks up.
I yell, ”Where did they take him?”
”Beth?”
”I'm on my way. What hospital?”
”They're going back to London.” Blake's voice is maddeningly calm.
I pound on the steering wheel with my free hand. ”All the way to London? Are they crazy?”
”The bleeding stopped. He's okay.”
”Bleeding?” Oh, my gosh. ”Are you in the ambulance with him?”
”What ambulance?”
A car honks behind me. ”Stop confusing me.” I pull Jeannette forward.
”His parents took him back down to the lockup in London.”
”c.r.a.p-he's in jail?” Is it drugs after all?
”Geesh. You're stunned.” Blake laughs. The creep laughs. ”You know that's what he calls the hospital.”
”The lockup?”
”We sprung him for this weekend. He refused to miss it.”
I'm pressing the phone so hard into my ear it hurts. ”He was in the hospital! ” I yell into the phone.
”How can you not know that?” Blake yells back at me. ”He practically lives there.”
I pull forward again as a sleek black sedan rolls through the border crossing.
Blake is still ranting at me. ”What kind of a c.r.a.p girlfriend are you?” His vicious tone rips me apart. ”You should have been there with him every second you can. He needs the motivation to hang in there. Look at today.”
”It's not my fault.” I bang the steering wheel with my hand. ”You can't blame me. He doesn't tell me anything.”
”Oh, sheesh.” Blake doesn't say anything for a long moment. ”You don't know.”
The cell slips in my sweaty hand. I grapple with it, get it back jammed to my ear. ”Tell me what he has, Blake.” My voice cracks. ”I'm going crazy.” I'm trembling, trying to control myself from breaking down with the shock that's starting to register.
”Forget I said anything.” The jerk hangs up on me.