Part 33 (1/2)
”Very. Bye.”
I hit Derek's number.
”You talk to Terri yet?”
I grit my teeth. ”Uh-huh. Just.”
”How'd she take it?”
My face screws up tight. ”She hasn't got the pill yet.” I don't say it very loud.
”What?”
I sink onto a stool and tip my head forward so my hair falls around my face. ”I couldn't do it.”
”You can't just not show on Tuesday. Call her back. She deserves that much.”
”I can't quit over the phone. Never see them again.” I sound defeated. ”They're all going to hate me.”
”Who cares? They're using you.”
His confidence makes me sit up straight. ”Amabile won't be using me?” My voice has an abrupt edge to it.
”No.” Unyielding. Harsh. Commanding. All in one solid negative.
That gets me up on my feet. ”And you're not using me?”
I'm glad I can't see his face. ”What does that mean?”
”Terri asked about you-about us. She said I shouldn't agree to anything that makes me uncomfortable.”
”That's rich.”
Mom's head pops around the corner. ”You okay?” Guess I'm getting screechy.
I wave her off and run up the stairs hissing into the phone. ”Maybe I'm not comfortable with quitting my choir. Maybe I'm not comfortable singing with all those nice AYS girls. Maybe I'm not comfortable with you planning my life.”
Silence. He starts saying something and stops. Clears his throat. Twice. ”Comfort is highly overrated. Joining the AYS won't be comfortable. It'll be loads of hard work. I didn't think you'd be afraid of work. I thought you'd eat it up.”
”It's not the work.” I make it to my room, shut the door, and lean back against it.
He's saying, ”Are you afraid of spending more time with me? Does that make you uncomfortable?”
Does it? I don't know. I thought that's what I wanted. All I wanted. ”Sometimes I am afraid.” I sink slowly to the floor. ”Not of you-for you.”
”Don't worry about me.” His tone cuts.
c.r.a.p. He's angry. But I keep pus.h.i.+ng. ”Back in Lausanne-Blake said-”
”Blake's an idiot.”
”It's eating me up. When we're together, you're overpowering. I can't think. But when I'm alone-that's all I do.” I'm talking too loud again.
”Then we need to be together more.” I'm on the verge of dissolving into the s.e.xy, coaxing thick in his voice.
I bang my head back against the door to clear it. ”You're sidestepping me again.”
”You've got a lot of music to learn. That should keep you busy until Tuesday. No more worrying.”
His bossy tactic gives me backbone. ”I'm not coming Tuesday.”
”You have to.”
”No. I don't.”
He heats up. ”You'll be way behind. It's tough to miss even one week of practice. They started this week. If you don't go Tuesday, you'll be two weeks behind. You'll miss solo auditions.”
”If they want me to solo, they know how I sing.” I get on my feet and glance around my cluttered room for that folder of music.
”But you have to compete for it.”
I laugh. ”Are you saying there are claws under the nice?”
”Hardly. They give everyone a shot.”
”So I don't solo on those ten pieces.” I uncover the folder on my dresser and flip through the pieces. Some of them look really good.
”I vouched for you. My rep's on the line here. Get over yourself and call Terri.”
I slam the folder shut. ”I don't like being told what to do. I didn't ask you to risk your precious name for me.” My room is too hot. I go over to my window and open it. Muggy out. I pull it closed, stand staring out at the overcast afternoon and the cars going by on the cracked asphalt.
”Please, Beth. I miss you.” His voice is slinky again. ”Let's not fight over this.”
c.r.a.p. We're fighting. The defiance drips out of me. I don't want to fight with him. ”Isn't there a Plan C out there?”
”Amabile will be so good for you. Please. Come sing with me.”
”It's going to break Terri's heart.”
”If she cares about you, she'll be pleased.” He's right. Again.
”I can't tell her over the phone.”
He exhales. ”Go Tuesday, then. I'll email the AYS directors and tell them you're winding up your commitment with Bliss.”
”Thank you.” Relief washes through me. ”I'm sorry. I guess I'm scared.”