Part 26 (2/2)
”Hey where'd you go?”
I shrugged, trying to recapture my smile. ”I was remembering what it was like, sitting like this and studying at your place.” I went for broke. ”I was thinking about that day I told you everything...about Henley.” He nodded silently. ”You were so good to me, Jeremy.”
”I wanted to find him, too, and kill him...after it all happened.”
”Henley?”
”Yeah.”
”What happened with Chase?”
”He got what he deserved.”
”I figured that was you...the carjacking.”
Jeremy nodded solemnly, as he scooped the last spoonful of soup into his mouth. ”I haven't seen him since that night. Taylor told me he wound up going to some school on the west coast.”
”I heard that, too. Guys like Chase always seem to land on their feet, you know? I predict he'll be a senator-”
”Or one of those preachers that collects bazillions from his flock, preaching piety while he's knee deep in dirt.”
My voice broke as I said, ”That's another one of those things I'd like to do over. That first day he threatened me, I should've just called his bluff, told him to tell everyone for all I cared.” I had to look away then as the memories flooded back. ”I also wish I would have told my parents what happened that summer at camp. Reported Henley. I still feel guilty about that, you know? He went back to camp that next year...did one more summer. Did he find some other girl and ruin her innocence?”
”I'd bet money on it, Carolyn. But that's not your fault and you know it.”
I shrugged. ”I just wonder how different life would have been had I spoken up. What was I thinking? How could I have not trusted my parents? They would have been in my corner. I let myself suffer all that time. I let what he did...change me.”
He picked my feet up and put them on his lap, squeezing and rubbing them gently, like he did that day.
”No do-overs, right?” I said, trying to smile. ”I know it's not healthy to keep looking back.”
”There's a whole lot I regret, too. I knew something was off with you that last week...especially those few days leading right up to it. I never pressed you about it. If I had, maybe you would have told me what was going on.”
”Do you ever think about why Drew did it?”
”Back then I wondered all the f.u.c.king time.”
”I worry that he did it after he saw Chase's video. I think he believed it all and he was so disgusted that I'd lied to him and that...that he'd dated someone like me.”
”No way. It wasn't like that. Drew loved you, Carolyn. I think he was just hurting...he was hurting for you just like I was. Bottom line is that he was sad, drunk and had ten different guns in his house to choose from. Not a good combination.”
”It'll be four years this March.”
”Yeah.” After a moment he added, ”I've been to the memorial service each year. It's the same people, although the crowd last year was a little light in comparison to years past.”
”I still wouldn't be welcome there. I do my own sort of memorial a few days after the date. It feels kind of c.r.a.ppy, though, visiting their graves like a thief in the night, still praying that no one spots me out there.”
”No one with half a brain ever blamed you, and I'll be honest, I still feel so angry-with you and with everyone else-thinking about you going through all that s.h.i.+t alone.” Jeremy's hands were balled into fists now, his irritation palpable. ”If there's one thing I could go back and fix, it would be that instead of standing outside your house every day like a pathetic chump, I would have pushed past your parents and made you talk to me.”
I leaned up and took one of his hands. ”I wish I would have opened the door one of those nights. You were like clockwork-five o'clock on the dot. I needed you. I wish I would have let you in. I'm sorry.”
”I understand now, Carolyn, I really do. And what's done is done. We can only make sure we don't repeat the same mistakes, right?”
She reached for a strand of hair, twisting it around her finger. ”Right.”
We needed a break from the heavy. ”You hungry?”
”Nope.”
”Thirsty?”
”Nope.”
”Tired.”
She laughed. ”Nope.”
”All right, what do people do when they're snowed in, stranded...adrift from civilization?”
”We're not exactly roughing it, chief. We've got heat, hot water, cable...”
”Wanna watch a movie?”
She shrugged. ”Not really. Got any games?”
”I actually do.” I opened the cabinet underneath the television console. ”Let's see. We've got Monopoly, chess, Yahtzee and Scrabble.” I looked back to her smirking. ”My dad and I play Scrabble all the time. Two dyslexics squaring off...it's pretty comical.”
”I didn't know your dad has a reading disability. I mean, it makes sense. It often runs in families.”
”Yeah. He didn't get himself help until after he saw how much the teachers at Briarwood helped me. It was kinda weird, seeing my dad with his tutor, working at our kitchen table. But I was so proud of him, you know?”
Carolyn swallowed, emotion taking over her features. ”I think that's great. It takes a lot of courage to get help when you're an adult.” She shook it off then and leveled me with a challenging glare. ”I'm kind of a Scrabble ninja. Think you can take me?”
Oh, I thought, I can take you in so many ways, missy. Being this close to her was making my body tense with longing. I schooled my expression before turning back to her. ”Game on, sweetheart.”
I poured us a small gla.s.s of wine and joined her in front of the fire where she was setting up the game. ”Maybe we'll have dinner around seven?”
”Sounds good.” Her eyes widened then. ”I almost forgot!” She jumped up and made her way back to the bedroom, returning with two loaves of semolina bread tucked under her arm.
She stopped on her way to the kitchen at the sound of my voice. ”Don't even tell me you just pulled those out of your bag, too.”
She was practically doubled over laughing. ”I know, I'm like a freaking magician! You'll be glad I hauled these, though. La Viola gets their bread from some bakery in the Bronx that's been around for nearly a century. It's so good.” She paused then, her smile falling. ”Oh, but you tried it the other night, right?”
”No, I didn't. That grouper looked great, too, but I didn't have much of an appet.i.te.”
”Gotcha.” She nodded in understanding and then continued on into the kitchen. Walking back out, she teased, ”You didn't peak in the bag when you picked your letters, did you?”
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