Part 19 (2/2)
By half-time, the Pats had taken a comfortable thirteen-point lead and I was at least six beers in. I wanted to forget-to drink, to laugh and to move on.
At some point during the fourth quarter, Frank's door opened and in came Sadie, followed by a few of her friends. Cheers erupted when the guys saw they were carrying pizza boxes and more beer. Kenzie's eyes found mine and she smiled at me apprehensively. It's like she was silently asking: Are you happy to see me or not? I'm sure I gave her back a lazy-a.s.s, borderline lewd smile, but she seemed pleased. She personally brought a slice over to me and when she went to go back to the girls, I tugged her into my lap and whispered in her ear, ”I'm glad you're here.”
A few seconds later she whispered back, ”Yeah, I get the idea that you're happy to see me,” as she wiggled a little in my lap. Kenzie was wearing short shorts and a halter top, which wasn't out of place on this Indian summer kind of day. She was a pet.i.te little thing, probably no more than five-four, with Marilyn Monroe-like curves. She was hot. Me? I was h.o.r.n.y, love-sick and angry.
”I'm heading out when the game's over.”
”Do you wanna hang out?” she asked, hopeful.
”Yeah, I'd like that.”
She took my keys, thankfully, and drove us back to my place.
My alarm went off at fivethirty, set for the time I usually took my short, pre-dawn run. That wouldn't be happening this morning. My mouth was dry, my head was a little fuzzy and the smell of s.e.x, I noticed, hung in the air.
Her soft, curvy a.s.s nudged back against my morning wood. I'd nearly forgotten how nice it felt to have this. Kenzie was all soft skin, plump curves and willing. Taking the lead again, she reached down between us and eased me towards her entrance. Despite the mild hangover, I was into it, but I stopped. ”Wait, let me grab a condom.”
She tugged on me again, gently. ”We're good, Jeremy. We didn't use one last night. It felt f.u.c.king awesome.”
”Oh, s.h.i.+t,” I murmured, rolling away from her onto my back.
She turned over, leaning up on one elbow, caressing my chest with her other hand. ”I'm on the pill, baby, it's ok.”
”I don't like taking chances.”
”It was your idea last night,” she challenged. ”You said you needed to feel all of me. Nothing between us.”
”Yeah, I'd say that was the ten or so beers talking. I shouldn't have done that, Kenzie. I'm sorry.”
”It's all good, Jeremy, we're protected.” She reached behind her, where the condoms sat ignored from last night, and ripped one off the strip. She straddled me, her t.i.ts swaying heavily with every slight move she made. ”If it makes you feel better, let's cover you up,” she said teasing, but there was a hint of hurt in her tone-like she clearly understood I'd be f.u.c.king miserable if she was ever to become pregnant.
She rolled the condom down, biting her lower lip as she watched the latex move down my length. She looked to me then and said, her voice husky, ”I have to have you inside me again, baby. I need it.”
As long as she needed it and not me, I was good to go. She rode me, arching her back, thrusting her t.i.ts out. She was hot and uninhibited. She slowly reached both hands up, lifted her long hair off her neck for a moment and then eased back, bracing her hands against my thighs. All the while she ground her hips in a circular motion as she bounced herself up and down along my shaft. She was losing control, chanting my name, panting and moaning. She dipped her head down to kiss me then and whispered, ”Tell me I'm beautiful, Jeremy.”
Something about those words snapped me out of this mindless f.u.c.king. A memory. Isn't that stupid, that I was so desperate to be told I was beautiful? The memory of that painful secret Carolyn had shared with me so long ago. Her shame at going along with that piece of s.h.i.+t, Greg Henley-an insecure girl so grateful to be told she was beautiful.
Whatever it was, Kenzie's demand deflated my b.o.n.e.r like a pin to a festering blister. She was just about there, though, so I worked her with my fingers as I kept thrusting and then-yes-I faked it. She didn't seem to notice that I rolled her off me immediately after letting out a series of lackl.u.s.ter grunts. She hadn't noticed that I'd peeled off an empty condom. She didn't acknowledge that I had not repeated those words back to her, as she'd asked me to.
Kenzie stretched like a contented cat and then rested her head on my chest, snuggling her body in close to mine. ”What time do you need to be at work?” I asked her, trying to keep from sounding curt.
”Um, nine?”
”I'll drop you at home on my way up to New Haven. I'm gonna take a quick shower.”
”Want company?”
”No, I'm good,” I said, rolling off the bed and heading towards the bathroom. I didn't want to hurt her but the thought of letting her paw me in the shower made my skin crawl and my heart ache.
What I'd done last night was just wrong. The fact that I'd indulged again this morning-I cringed inwardly-significantly upped my level of a.s.sholery.
Seeing Carolyn had totally f.u.c.ked with my head. Wouldn't happen a second time. I wasn't going to lead Kenzie on anymore. I wouldn't hurt her. And I wasn't falling to pieces over Carolyn ever again.
I contemplated calling Andie and asking her not to use the pieces I'd dropped off at Briarwood for next Friday. It would look like a f.u.c.king shrine to Carolyn if they displayed all three canvases together.
f.u.c.k it.
Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was time I got rid of everything that reeked of her.
”No, it's not right. I think that piece would look better next to Travis's large canvas, right by the heart sculpture. Don't you?
I watched as this little sprite of a girl commanded three men.
”What about this one, Andie?”
”I want that right by Mitch.e.l.l's series of watercolors.”
One of the guys saw me standing there waiting and then gestured to Andie, the girl in charge.
”Hi,” she said, smiling brightly. ”Can I help you?”
I smiled back. It was kind of hard not to when you were in this girl's presence; she was energetic, full of life...exuberant. ”Hi, I'm Carolyn Harris. I'm just here to drop off the gift baskets for the raffle. Do you know where I'm supposed to put them?”
”You're Maureen Harris's daughter?” I nodded. ”So then you're Tommy's sister. Love that kid. Do you want to see his contribution for the Gala auction?”
”He made something?” I asked, unable to hide the surprise in my voice. ”I mean, I know he's creative but I just never thought he was into art.”
”Oh, but he is. Feast your eyes on this,” she said happily, as she gestured towards a large monarch b.u.t.terfly made of papier-mche.
I smiled and before I knew it, I was wiping at a few tears that had escaped. Every year we would get one of those kits, the ones with live caterpillars to raise. We'd check on them every day together after school, watching as they changed from caterpillar to chrysalis and finally, to b.u.t.terflies. We'd set them free then, watching as they landed tentatively on the purple b.u.t.terfly bushes planted along the edge of our backyard before they went higher, moving further away.
I cried because in that moment, I realized that I'd stopped doing this with Thomas three years ago. Was this his way of letting me know how much he missed us?
”I totally get it,” Andie said, nodding. ”My students' art can bring me to tears. Just knowing the feeling and the effort they put into making something so...so...beautiful.”
”Yeah, this is really special to me. I'll definitely be bidding on this one.”
”I'm so excited about this!” Andie sang happily, clapping her hands. ”We have so many great pieces for the guests to bid on.”
”The art auction was a great idea. It's definitely going to bring a lot more money in.”
”Well it was my idea, so it better bring money in or I'll die of shame and embarra.s.sment,” she said, laughing. ”Mateo, Daniel...let's help Carolyn get the rest of the baskets from her car.”
As we were walking in with the last load, Andie looked over to me with a puzzled expression. ”I keep thinking we've met before. You look so familiar.”
”I volunteered here over the summer. Maybe we ran into each other on campus?”
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