Part 5 (1/2)
Even Frank Carr nodded his head in acknowledgement, smiling at me, and I hardly even knew him. Jeremy didn't so much as glance in my general direction.
Drew pulled me into his lap as he kissed my neck, murmuring, ”You look lovely today.”
”Why thank you,” I replied, mimicking his formal manners. I needed to laugh, or to be seen and heard laughing in the very least, so that my unease wasn't so obvious.
Samantha called from the other end, ”Carolyn, they think I'm lying. Did you or did you not spend your entire summer in a white lab coat cooped up indoors?”
I took a deep breath. A lot of things had changed about me since that awful summer. Before him, I felt confident and sure of myself-not boastful, just happy with the girl I was. Since then, I made a habit of second guessing myself, questioning my decisions, wondering constantly if I measured up. Samantha seized on my weakness and I noticed now, with increasing regularity, that she gave me compliments that were really anything but complimentary and she sometimes made jokes at my expense. You know, the ones people follow up with, ”I'm just messing with you.” In Samantha's case, her digs were followed by words like, ”I'm kidding. You know I love you, right?”
Erica came to my defense quickly. ”Back off. Carolyn will be at an Ivy League school next year and you'll be where, Samantha, b.u.mf.u.c.k Community College?”
Erica was kicking the hornet's nest and Samantha was one nasty b.i.t.c.h of a hornet when she wanted to be. Before Samantha could think of some way to embarra.s.s Erica in front of these boys, I piped up. ”I didn't spend the entire summer at Yale. I was at the lake...a lot.”
He still didn't look up. In fact he angled his body away from everyone else and began having a side conversation with Frank. I knew he'd heard me, though.
Coward.
Will started talking about how he used to love the lake when he was younger and I was telling him about Zach and Tommy doing cannonb.a.l.l.s non-stop off the dock when Samantha mock s.h.i.+vered and said, ”I wouldn't swim in that dirt pit if you paid me a million dollars.”
”Why not?” Will asked, annoyed.
”It's filthy and the people...” she trailed off, scrunching up her nose.
I saw Jeremy's back stiffen. I knew he had to be offended by her comment but Samantha was so lacking in empathy that his scowl didn't even register with her. I raised my voice just slightly. ”Well, I loved it there, even though some of the people did turn out to be rude.”
Gotcha! Jeremy's head whipped around and his eyes met mine for a split angry second before he righted himself, stood, took his tray and mumbled some parting words to the group.
Something about him brought out my inner b.a.l.l.sy chick. She'd been in hiding for nearly two years now-so long that I hardly even recognized her. I wanted to bait Jeremy. His blatant snubs had hurt me, and hurt that's left to fester eventually turns to anger. And yes, now I was p.i.s.sed off. Jeremy had to know I was speaking directly to him. And my message was: Go ahead, jacka.s.s, pretend you don't know me.
All of the boys left then, heading outside to toss a ball until the bell rang. That left just me, Samantha, Erica and Kerri.
”Are you into Jeremy?” Erica questioned Samantha.
Samantha narrowed her eyes at Erica, trying to decide if she should let Erica's insubordination from before go. She obviously decided to be a benevolent queen bee and make nice. ”Well, that's what I want Will to think, duh.” When no one commented, she added, ”Let him see me with Jeremy. I want Will to know exactly what he's missing.”
Kerri said, ”You're wasting your time on Will. He is into Tori, one hundred percent. She lives next door to my freshman buddy, Lauren Paine, and she said Will pops by there all the time.”
”What the h.e.l.l does he see in her?” Samantha asked, seething.
Erica laughed as she replied, ”I don't know, maybe that she's smart, pretty and nice?” She emphasized that last word. Erica was feisty and she liked to give it right back to Samantha. I needed some of that att.i.tude; over the past year I'd become Samantha's pathetic underling.
Samantha rolled her eyes. ”Please, she's like, under house arrest-she can never even go out. And I heard she has to work at the hardware store because her parents don't have a pot to p.i.s.s in. Sounds like lots of fun, you're right,” Samantha retorted, sarcasm dripping off her every word.
”Her parent,” I corrected. G.o.d, Samantha could be such a b.i.t.c.h. ”I feel terrible for Tori,” I went on. ”I always see her with her little brothers. She's like their mother now. And for the record, they're not dest.i.tute. People in this town think that if you don't get a BMW for your seventeenth birthday then you're as good as on welfare.”
”I didn't know her mother was dead,” Samantha said, contrite. ”Now I feel bad.”
This was the Samantha of days past-my friend. It was nice to be in her presence every now and again.
Our mothers were good friends so Samantha and I were introduced while we were still in diapers. I did love Samantha like a sister at one time. We shared so many secrets, so many adventures, but something happened in seventh grade. It was like Samantha's interests s.h.i.+fted to include nothing but clothes, boys and gossip. She was bewildered and annoyed when I still wanted to bake, get messy with my science experiments or play with Thomas. If it didn't include a mani-pedi, a trip to the mall or making snarky comments at someone else's expense, then it wasn't worth her time.
My walk down memory lane was short-lived, as Samantha's mood s.h.i.+fted from sympathetic to carefree inside of a minute. ”Anyway,” she said brightly, ”Will is interested, he just needs a little nudge.” She giggled before adding, ”And if I wind up getting nudged by Jeremy in the meantime, that wouldn't suck, right? He's hot.”
”By nudged you mean f.u.c.ked?” Erica asked dryly.
Kerri rolled her eyes and then shushed Erica. ”You are so crude, Erica. And you,” she said, smiling, directing her attention back to Samantha, ”are mean.” She was teasing, sort of. No one came out and really told Samantha the cold hard truth except for Erica.
”I do like Jeremy, though, so I am not being mean.” She waved us in closer before she whispered, giggling, ”I kind of want to know if what Taylor said about him is true, you know?”
”I've checked him out in those football pants,” Kerri said, matter-of-fact. ”The rumors are true.”
”He's a person, not a freakin' piece of meat,” I said, weary from this conversation.
As the bell rang, we stood and gathered our things. Samantha winked at me and said, ”I think I need to uncover the facts for myself.”
Her comment turned my stomach. I was p.i.s.sed at Jeremy, even though I knew I really had no right to be, but as p.i.s.sed and hurt as I was, I would never wish Samantha on him.
She would hurt him.
He walked by me without so much as a nod of recognition for the next two weeks. I saw him at least three times a day, if not more. It started to sting less. But while Jeremy patently ignored me, Vanessa made it her mission to lock eyes with me whenever the opportunity arose. I even stopped going to the local ice cream parlor with Tommy because she worked there, opting for some c.r.a.ppy frozen yogurt place instead. Who in their right mind hired someone whose idea of a greeting was to practically growl at people? I mean, weren't ice cream parlors supposed to be happy places? I heard she also worked some evenings answering the phone at a tattoo parlor one town over. At least I didn't have to worry about running into her there.
What was their deal? She seemed like she had some kind of hold over Jeremy but he also seemed like he did what-or whom-he pleased. Anytime I saw Vanessa or saw the two of them together, it reminded me of that last day at the lake and it burned. I felt foolish and embarra.s.sed all over again. You have a great boyfriend, Carolyn, I reminded myself. You will be far away from Westerly next year, far away from b.i.t.c.hy losers like Vanessa and far away from boys like Jeremy.
I had just exited the college counselor's office, high off his prediction that my latest SAT scores would be good enough for Yale, when I heard my name called. When I turned, I saw a pet.i.te lady with gla.s.ses and a warm smile. ”Hi,” I said, my tone questioning because I couldn't place her.
”Oh my, it's so wonderful to see all of you kids again. You've all changed so much since Driscoll.”
”Mrs. Connolly?”
”The one and only,” she replied, smiling. ”Do you have a minute?” she asked, already ushering me into her office.
”Sure.”
”First, how have you been? I was talking to your guidance counselor and he said you're aiming for Yale?”
”Yes, I mean that's my reach school. I'm also looking into UPenn and Georgetown. Columbia also.”
”Impressive. He told me you had an interesting experience at Yale this summer.” She didn't wait for my reply before explaining that she had known my parents for years, as she was involved in Thomas's initial evaluation-the one that landed him in Briarwood. ”I think it's wonderful that you've taken an interest in that field.”
”I'd like to see where that takes me, Mrs. Connolly. I know how hard people like Thomas have it. I want to make a real difference for kids like him.”
”So would you be interested in doing some tutoring work? Helping some of your peers here at Westerly?”
”I have done that in the past but I gave it up last year. My schedule was too heavy. I had all AP courses.”
She nodded in understanding but pressed on. ”It's a paid position.” She paused, smiling. ”It's nominal, just a few hours a week at minimum wage, so I don't want to get your hopes up. But it would also come with a glowing letter of recommendation...from a Yale alum, no less.” In response to my raised eyebrows, she pointed to herself and said, ”Cla.s.s of eight-four.”
Acceptance at Yale was not a sure thing for me, so this? This was like dangling a carrot in front of a starved horse. ”How many days a week?”
”Two days a week, ninety minute session each day. You would start this coming Tuesday. It's helping mainly with test preparation and homework.”