Part 18 (1/2)
”Yes. No, a.s.shole's not here. I'm calling you for-to thank you for your time. How about a drink?”
”At that old folks home?”
”Sure. There's a little brown boy singer goes on soon. His feet haven't touched the ground in fifteen years and he's real cute.”
”I didn't think you knew any of my people, girlfriend.”
”Oh, Mr. Thorn, you're the one from Indiana, remember? Not I.”
I had time to fix my make-up and walk around the block a couple of times before Justin's cab pulled up at the door of the hotel.
I reached into the taxi window and paid the fare before he had a chance to.
”n.o.body has paid me to do anything in a long time,” he said as we went through the revolving door of the lobby. ”You made my f.u.c.king night.”
”No problem. I'm flush.”
”Sold your story to the Enquired?”
”No. I've turned to crime-like everybody else. The bar's this way.”
We settled in with our drinks-Dewars with a water back for Justin, Grand Marnier for me.
I had called Justin Thorn out of some weird survival instinct. Somehow I knew it was him I needed to talk with tonight, not Aubrey. Justin, though he baited and patronized me, had become a confidant. But with a twist: there was only so much I could tell him. I had to hold certain things back, in a word, lie. The miraculous thing was, he knew that, and yet here he was.
”How bad a bad guy are you, Justin?” I asked after a few minutes of small talk.
”What do you mean, sweetums? s.e.x or the job?”
”The job. You know, you work with some pretty persuasive people. You kind of have to do what they tell you, right? I mean, what I'm asking is have you ever-”
”Killed? Me? Oh, child, please! I run a t.i.ts and a.s.s joint and make sure the bartenders don't steal them blind. It's just a job and a pretty good one, considering. Come to think of it, it's too bad your boyfriend couldn't just look at it that way. You'd both be a lot happier now if he had.”
”Henry, you mean. Yeah, maybe so. But I don't see how our paths ever would have crossed if he had just been one of the boys.”
”You'd be surprised, baby. A lot of them that look like cute Mr. Guido from Jersey have got them some brown sugar on the side. And would kill anybody who messed with it.”
”Well, that's nice for them. But I don't want to be n.o.body's 'on the side'.”
Justin snorted. ”That's something only a smash-up would say. I'm an aging h.o.m.os.e.xual. Wasn't for the side, I'd never have a boyfriend.”
I toasted him with my snifter, deferring to his wisdom, but not swallowing it whole.
We fell silent when the good-looking singer made his appearance. ”Girl, he is special,” Justin whispered to me. ”I knew Aubrey wouldn't have any dumb smash-ups for friends.”
After the set was over, I asked the bartender to freshen our drinks. I felt there was so much more to say to my new buddy, but I didn't know how to say it. So I sat listening to his horror stories about life in the closet that is Indiana, and the glory of stepping off the Greyhound and into the seamy Times Square night lo those many years ago. I guess Justin needed a buddy, too.
”What did you really want to tell me tonight, Nanny?” he said at last.
I shook my head. ”I don't know. Maybe I wanted to run my lecture on Charlie Parker past you.”
”That would be a waste.”
”Why? Who do you like?”
”Luther.”
”Figures,” I said, laughing a little. ”Henry likes jazz a lot, you know. That's kind of how we met. If I ever see him again, there are a couple of ... old records I want to give him.”
”I bet I bet that's why you're trying to hunt him down.”
My hand was creeping involuntarily toward my purse. It was all I could do not to take out the gun and show it to Justin. But I wasn't sure what the point of that would be. Did I want to show him how tough I was or did I want to beg him to take it away from me and bury it somewhere? Was I asking him to endorse my plan or talk me out of it?
I withdrew my hand and turned the bag clasp side down on the bar.
”All I can say is, he's lucky it's you and not Aubrey,” Justin said, laughing diabolically.
He reached over and handed me one of the paper napkins from the pile next to the container of maraschino cherries. My eyes were a little wet. I hadn't even known it.
We sat through another show. The singer blew a kiss our way at the end of his last number. Justin caught it and put it in his breast pocket.
It was late.
”Well, thanks for the date, Nanny,” he said as I called for the check.
I removed a hundred dollar bill from my bag and pushed it toward the bartender.
Justin took note of it and smiled. ”Scared of you.”
”You should be. Not too many unemployed smash-ups throw around bucks like this,” I began, ”but I only-”
”Never mind,” he interrupted. ”You know what the president say-'Don't ask. Don't tell.'”
”Good night, Justin. Kiss Aubrey for me.”
It was very late. And I had promised myself I'd get to bed early. Tomorrow was going to take just about all the strength I had left.
But on the other hand, what difference did it make? I knew I wouldn't sleep.
CHAPTER 16.
These foolish things I went to the flower market, to a small stall just around the corner from the apartment where Walter murdered Inge. I bought two dozen yellow roses at the wholesale price. Our lady of the flowers, all in black. That was me. I had on the same Norma Kamali that I'd worn to my grandmother's funeral, and the much prized leather jacket Aubrey had bought me when one of her mysterious investments went platinum. The little felt cloche hat I had bought just two days ago. If I looked like a mob widow who also happened to be a fas.h.i.+on model, so much the better. On my wrists were the cheap leather bracelets that had belonged to Charlie Conlin.
On the cab ride north, up Eighth Avenue, I tried to settle on an opening line. What, exactly, would be my first words when Henry opened the door? Would I have the gun already drawn? It was a tough call. Besides, I couldn't stop thinking about Walter this morning. His touch. His breath. His laugh. Those G.o.dd.a.m.n WASPy loafers of his, with all that blood on them, floated across my vision again and again.
All the death. All the devastation. The violence. The betrayals. I was of it now. Walter had made me part of it. Henry had made me part of it.