Part 23 (1/2)

”But to be brief in my tale. Again, ere we came to the level, Slipped from its axle a wheel; so that, to be plain in my statement, A matter of twelve hundred yards or more, as the distance may be, We traveled upon ONE wheel, until we drove up to the station.

”Then, sir, we sank in a heap; but, picking myself from the ruins, I heard a noise up the grade; and looking, I saw in the distance The three wheels following still, like moons on the horizon whirling, Till, circling, they gracefully sank on the road at the side of the station.

”This is my story, sir; a trifle, indeed, I a.s.sure you.

Much more, perchance, might be said--but I hold him of all men most lightly Who swerves from the truth in his tale. No, thank you-- Well, since you ARE pressing, Perhaps I don't care if I do: you may give me the same, Jim,--no sugar.”

A QUESTION OF PRIVILEGE

REPORTED BY TRUTHFUL JAMES

It was Andrew Jackson Sutter who, despising Mr. Cutter for remarks he heard him utter in debate upon the floor, Swung him up into the skylight, in the peaceful, pensive twilight, and then keerlessly proceeded, makin' no account what WE did-- To wipe up with his person casual dust upon the floor.

Now a square fight never frets me, nor unpleasantness upsets me, but the simple thing that gets me--now the job is done and gone, And we've come home free and merry from the peaceful cemetery, leavin' Cutter there with Sutter--that mebbee just a stutter On the part of Mr. Cutter caused the loss we deeply mourn.

Some bashful hesitation, just like spellin' punctooation--might have worked an aggravation on to Sutter's mournful mind, For the witnesses all vary ez to wot was said and nary a galoot will toot his horn except the way he is inclined.

But they all allow that Sutter had begun a kind of mutter, when uprose Mr. Cutter with a sickening kind of ease, And proceeded then to wade in to the subject then prevadin': ”Is Profanity degradin'?” in words like unto these:

”Onlike the previous speaker, Mr. Sutter of Yreka, he was but a humble seeker--and not like him--a cuss”-- It was here that Mr. Sutter softly reached for Mr. Cutter, when the latter with a stutter said: ”ac-customed to discuss.”

Then Sutter he rose grimly, and sorter smilin' dimly bowed onto the Chairman primly--(just like Cutter ez could be!) Drawled ”he guessed he must fall--back--as--Mr. Cutter owned the pack--as--he just had played the--Jack--as--” (here Cutter's gun went crack! as Mr. Sutter gasped and ended) ”every man can see!”

But William Henry Pryor--just in range of Sutter's fire--here evinced a wild desire to do somebody harm, And in the general scrimmage no one thought if Sutter's ”image” was a misplaced punctooation--like the hole in Pryor's arm.

For we all waltzed in together, never carin' to ask whether it was Sutter or was Cutter we woz tryin' to abate.

But we couldn't help perceivin', when we took to inkstand heavin', that the process was relievin' to the sharpness of debate,

So we've come home free and merry from the peaceful cemetery, and I make no commentary on these simple childish games; Things is various and human--and the man ain't born of woman who is free to intermeddle with his pal's intents and aims.

THE THOUGHT-READER OF ANGELS

REPORTED BY TRUTHFUL JAMES

We hev tumbled ez dust Or ez worms of the yearth; Wot we looked for hez bust!

We are objects of mirth!

They have played us--old Pards of the river!--they hev played us for all we was worth!

Was it euchre or draw Cut us off in our bloom?

Was it faro, whose law Is uncertain ez doom?

Or an innocent ”Jack pot” that--opened--was to us ez the jaws of the tomb?

It was nary! It kem With some sharps from the States.

Ez folks sez, ”All things kem To the fellers ez waits;”

And we'd waited six months for that suthin'--had me and Bill Nye--in such straits!

And it kem. It was small; It was dream-like and weak; It wore store clothes--that's all That we knew, so to speak; But it called itself ”Billson, Thought-Reader”--which ain't half a name for its cheek!