Part 19 (2/2)
”He told me to sit down by the fire, and then, in a tone that moved me strangely, asked if he could help or direct me in any way.
”I was too near the gate of death to see in him anything but the minister of G.o.d; and, forgetting that he was a man and a stranger, began in a broken, husky voice, the recital of the doubts and the despair I had been fighting with. I do not know how much of my story I betrayed, or what, in this extremity of wretchedness, I said; but pausing at the end, and frightened by his silence, I raised my eyes, and faltered:
”'Would G.o.d have mercy after that, do you think?'
”The clergyman's face was white as mine: his voice shook as he said:
”'If He has let you live, He means to forgive you, you may be sure.'
”'He has let me live,' I said, eagerly, and I told him of the cross that had held me back from suicide. He pressed his hand before his eyes, then said, after a moment, in a broken voice:
”'Take it for a sign, then, that He is waiting to be gracious; that there is peace on earth, as well as mercy in heaven, for you.'
”'Never peace; I have no right to hope for that, only a chance of pardon before I die.'
”'A sure hope of pardon, if you verily repent, and a sure sense of peace, if you strive to put in deeds, the repentance that G.o.d has put in your heart.'
”'There is nothing left in life for me to do,' I said, with a bitter sigh.
”'So I thought once,' he said, 'but I have learned that G.o.d never leaves a soul on earth, without leaving some work for it to do, to keep it from despair, some sin to be atoned for, some duty to be fulfilled. Can you think of none?'
”'None,' I said; 'there is nothing left for me, my repentance comes too late; there is none left but my weary self, to profit by it.'
”'There is a work I know of waiting for you, Rachel Arnold,' he said, in a voice that thrilled through and through me. It all came upon me then; with a low cry, I started up and sprang toward the door; but he interposed.
”'Let me go,' I cried; 'I cannot face you in this world! Wait, before you bring your accusation, till we are at G.o.d's tribunal! Let me go, and I will never offend your sight again. Oh! why are you not dead, like all the rest? Why are you left to drive me back to despair again?' And in an agony I sank down at his feet.
”'I am left,' he said, raising me up, 'to guide you back to peace and duty; to tell you of G.o.d's infinite loving kindness, and to show you how much of hope there is for you, in this world and in the next; and to a.s.sure you, if you need the a.s.surance, that I as utterly forgive you, as I hope for G.o.d's forgiveness for myself.'
”'You never would say so,' I murmured, 'if you knew all.'
”'I know enough to understand your remorse; the rest you can tell to G.o.d; I say again, from my soul, I forgive you.'
”But I never raised my face, nor looked at him, till I had told him all, and he had said again:
”'With all my heart I forgive you. The past is cancelled; stay here, and help me in the work that G.o.d has set us to do, and obliterate the sins that this place has seen, by faithful striving in the labor of restoring it to his service again.'
”My dear young lady,” said Mrs. Arnold, in a trembling voice, ”can you fear him after that?”
”No,” I exclaimed, with tears; ”let me see him now.”
CHAPTER XIII.
”Make no enemies; he is insignificant indeed that can do thee no harm.”
LACON.
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