10 Silver (1/2)
Love' Deborah muttered, almost choking at the word. She raised her chin in determination, never will she fall in love. Never! Such emotions are for simpletons, what good is love when it turned one's brain to liquid. She was stronger than her father, oh yes she was! She wouldn't let any man destroy her life, like mother did to her father.
Deborah paused for a moment; will I get married? She asked herself, of course she would but it will be for security purposes, especially for her children. Yes! She nodded, satis ed with her conclusions. And if the worse came, she would simply not get married. d.a.m.n what her father would think.
There were few women who had the intentions of wooing her father, wanting to take her mother's place but never really did. Their feigned smiles and saccharine politeness did them no favours on her part. She understood her father had to move on, he was human after all. But what she couldn't fathom was why he wouldn't love another, could it be he had nothing to give? There were times when she had questions about her mother, but she bit her tongue. She knew what it would do to him. The mere mention of her name was maudlin to him.
Deborah understood human beings were with aws, but how could creatures of imperfection, master the cavernous understanding of love? How could such unadulterated emotion be perfect when humans obviously aren't? Those thoughts kept bugging her. Was love really enough? If it were, why did her mother leave? Could it be that her father couldn't satisfy her? Maybe she couldn't tolerate the chaos that came with their marriage?
At the vibrant age of twenty-three, Deborah never really gave herself to anyone, her perception of survival depended on it. She never wanted to be caught o guard, never wanted to be addicted to what a person could o er. She had learnt from her father's mistake and that was, 'loving someone wouldn't do anyone any good'.
It was a Thursday afternoon and Deborah was already at the Mall, she tapped her feet impatiently on the white tiled oor. She hissed and checked her wrist.w.a.tch for the fourth time. Tosin her best friend, was yet to show up. Would it kill her to keep to time? They agreed it would be nice to watch a movie at the cinema. They both deserved it after the examination stress.
Deborah frowned as she bit her lower lip in frustration, the movie had started already. She should be in the cinema room by now, but a part of her knew; it wouldn't be fun without her hilarious friend. Deborah inhaled sharply as she decided not to get angry. It wasn't doing her any good. Her father had always lectured her about patience, she could barely endure a tiny delay.
Deborah sighted an empty seat and decided to wait for her friend. She played with the piece of pamphlets that displayed the movies that were showing throughout the week. She tried Tosin's phone again and this time, she picked a little out of breath.
”I am on my way.” Tosin said, and immediately hanged up. Deborah hu ed, then rolled her eyes. She inhaled the comfort smell of popcorn and slowly rocked her shoulders to the soft music resounding o the speakers. The entrance hall was quite noisy as people walked in and out. She felt vulnerable with no company. The game candy crush did its best to keep her mind occupied, until she couldn't ignore the feeling of being watched. She couldn't shake o the sensation. Deborah scanned her environment till she nally caught a man by the corner, who gazed at her in wonder. There was this intense feeling that melted deep within her. It made her gasp, she wanted to look away but she couldn't.
She held her breath, eyes absorbing details of his face; every angle and curve. He seductively narrowed his eyes at her, there were jet black. His protruding eyeb.a.l.l.s were minor. He had long, thick and silky lashes, with high eye-brows that slept on his forehead. The fascinating stranger had a strong forehead and wide jaw.
He wasn't the most handsome man she'd seen but his features were so alluring, so masculine it could intimidate the next man. He exuded a certain grace that made her want reach for him. Could she be able to explain what his stare did to her?
Deborah reluctantly tore her gaze from him. She was caught staring which was unbelievably rude. The atmosphere that was once friendly had turned chaotic in just a minute. How was that possible? Her throat dried up and heart skipped a beat. For the rst time in her life, she felt excited, yet scared. She was confused. What was happening to her? She had to maintain her cool for Christ sake, had she not seen a man before? Sweat etched its way out her pores and she subconsciously fanned herself. Deborah caught him approaching her from the corners of her eyes. How can a stranger have this much e ect on her? Heart failure!
”Would you stop this nonsense!” she scolded herself.
”h.e.l.lo!” he said, looking down on her. She took a few moments to suppress her super uous emotions. She looked up at him, not a smile stretched her face. Deborah cleared her throat, her countenance was blank; at least that was what she thought her face looked like. She adjusted her shoulders and head rose challengingly high. A teasing smile stretched his lips.
”Do you mind if I keep your company?” he asked. She didn't know how to respond to his question. She wanted to speak to him but her inner woman was sceptic. She nodded, and carefully watched as he sat close to her. The smell of his bold perfume imposed a lingering e ect. She inhaled deeply welcoming its rich fragrance.
”I am Moses,” he stretched his hand. She stared at it then looked at his eyes. Her hand met his without her consent. It was warm and coa.r.s.e with comfort. Was it just her or was there a current that pa.s.sed through her body? Did he notice the way she softly gasped? Deborah swallowed hard as she let him hold her hand awhile longer. She deeply searched his obsidian eyes. She saw herself in it and for the rst time in her life, she felt beautiful. No one had looked at her that way. She unwillingly let go of his hand and he cleared his throat in response, his eyes never leaving her.
”My name is Deborah,” she said and looked away.
”You are beautiful,” he stated sincerely. She paused, his statement caught her o guard. Of course, she knew her features were very pleasing, she looked in the mirror but from him it felt more than it was. He had some kind of power over her, and she didn't like it at all. ”You are not very good at talking to people, are you?”
”I am…I am not. Most times I just don't know what to say,” she rubbed her temple stylishly. Deborah didn't understand why she felt the urge to impress him. She fumbled with the hem of her gown, thinking of what to say next.
”Which movie are you here to see?”
”A comedy, I am actually waiting for someone,” she said and quickly recognized the curiosity he masked away.
Deborah felt a quick need to clarify things. ”It's my girlfriend, and by that I don't mean girlfriend in that way,” she said awkwardly. He chuckled, which lightened the mood. She smiled at him.
”I know what you mean. Do you want to take a walk around the mall?” he asked, and she nodded. He stood and extended his hand to her, she took it without second thoughts.
”Are you here with someone?” she blurted out. He stared at her and nodded. She waited for him to explain further but no such thing happened. She cloaked the disappointment that hummed in her chest. What she felt towards him was ridiculous. For crying out loud she just met him! She needed to think, had to think!
”What do you do?” he asked.
”Well, I am a student. I am in my nal year,” she said, her eyes glued to a nice pair of necklace displayed in a show gla.s.s. The jewellery was embedded with a sparkling crimson ruby, which would go perfectly with the red dress her father got her for twenty second birthday. She smiled at the thought.
”Do you like it?” he asked nonchalantly. She swivelled to look at him and shrugged. ”Hmmmm, red is such a powerful colour. I wonder what that says about you,” he smiled. She began to feel safe with him. He had a good sense of humor and charm that melted away her doubts.
”What do you do for a living?” she asked, face stern.
”Actually I just got a new job o er,” he said. ”I've not been able to decide yet,” he thrust his hands in his pockets and continued his walk. She followed him, watching him closely.
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”What are your doubts?”
”I have some things to handle, you know, the usual family business and stu . But at the same time I would love to explore my options,” he looked at her. ”I don't know why I am telling you this,” his gaze dropped. She detected he was a bit reluctant opening up to her. She didn't blame him; after all, she was a stranger also.
”So, you are torn between your dreams and duty?” she moved closer, trying to get him to look at her. He piqued her curiosity. Deborah was eager to know everything about him but her inner woman battled for control, and didn't like the overwhelming emotions that invaded her. He nodded.
Finally, his dark eyes rested on her.
”I have a feeling you understand such a situation,” a half smile cracked his lips.
”As a matter of fact, I do,” she sighed. ”If I choose what I want, wouldn't that make me sel sh, and if I don't; that would make me live my life for others? And what is life when you can't live it to the fullest,” she stated. He smiled and her stomach uttered with b.u.t.ter ies. They stared at each other, as if they were old lovers from the past. It felt like a déjà vu moment. She wasn't the type to believe in superst.i.tions but at that period in time, reasons were forgotten. Her gaze fell on his lips, and quickly she dismissed such immoral thought.
”Can I have your number?” he handed her his cell phone. She couldn't ght the urge to deny his request. She pressed in her digits then handed him back his phone. ”I will call you,” Moses winked at her, before he walked away. She watched him, wondering if he would turn back to check on her and just in a matter of seconds he did. 'There he goes' Deborah said to herself as she saw the longing in those dreamy eyes of his. She was so sure she was going to see him again.
Deborah checked her phone for the hundredth time. No calls yet. It had been a day and it seemed like weeks. Obviously, she was losing her mind or could it be that he cast a spell on her? No, it couldn't be! He didn't seem like the type. She shut her book in annoyance. How could she be so forward to give a stranger her phone number? She broke one of her cardinal rules and didn't even notice it until she had done so. She threaded her hands through her hair, frustrated. This was why she didn't give men any of her time, she was distracted and aggravated for no reason. Deborah switched o her phone. Her inner woman made mockery of her, oh well! She deserved the scorching words the voice threw at her.
The antic.i.p.ation was killing her. She couldn't go on like this. Ten minutes later Deborah switched on her phone. She wondered if he had tried calling her when her phone was out of coverage. Serves him right!
She rose from the bed, ready to have dinner that's when her phone buzzed. She hopped on the bed, staring at the screen as if she didn't believe it could receive calls. Deborah didn't recognize the number; it could be him! What should she do? She paced about the room. Panic kicking her in the stomach. She waited for it to ring a little longer, did some breathing exercise and her trembling nger nally pressed the 'green' b.u.t.ton.
”h.e.l.lo,” she sounded a little distant.
”Am I speaking to Deborah?” his seductive voice came to life. It was astonis.h.i.+ng how fast her heart somersaulted against her ribcage. It pulsed with profound purpose.
”Good evening. This is Moses speaking,” he said.
”Oh! h.e.l.lo. How are you?” she swallowed.
”Is it me or do you sound a little blue?” he said, she paused. Maybe she was overdoing the 'I don't care att.i.tude.' She didn't want him to think she had been waiting for his call. Wouldn't that make her look desperate? Isn't all that part of the chase? ”Make men sweat for it,” her aunt had once told her. That was the only way men took women seriously or perhaps she heard wrong. She mumbled a curse as she indulged in a war with her frenzied mind. ”h.e.l.lo, are you still there?” ”Yes!” she said sharply.
”I'm sorry I didn't call earlier on, something came up. I was wondering if you would be free this weekend,” he asked, a little out of breath. She didn't know how to respond. Of course, she would like to but she had reservations on the person he was waiting for at the cinema. Her inner woman was at work again, throwing doubts at her like deadly daggers. What if he had a girlfriend, could she live with herself? Wasn't that cheating? She was obviously over
thinking this.
”Yes, I would,” she nodded, convincing herself it was the right thing to do.
”How about Sat.u.r.day?”
”Perfect!” Now all she had to do was pick an out t.
Deborah loved the way he rubbed his chin when he got excited, and the half smile that stretched his lips when he was being coy; it made her foolish with fanciful dreams. Life seemed richer, her chest full of rainbows and cotton candies, blissfully her brain had turned to liquid.
Four weeks dating Moses was delightful but still she had troubles admitting what she felt for him. With all the excitement she experienced, there was still a cave of fear that'd found solace in the corner of her mind. She wanted to bolt, didn't want to commit to him but something made her stay, she couldn't explain it.
He stood in blue jeans and a white V necked s.h.i.+rt. Hints of dusted dark hairs peeked above the material. There was a certain serenity that emanated from him, she sighed as her eyes spread across his well toned body; like b.u.t.ter does with bread. They stood for a while, watching each other. She wanted to say something, it was just at the tip of her tongue but her mouth wouldn't move. She swallowed hard as he took her hand and led her in. The air conditioner whooshed against her skin.
”I am glad you came,” he smiled. The interior design of his living room was white and black with hints of red. It was so masculine, she made a mental note to add a feminine touch to his home. Deborah let go of his hand as she observed her surroundings. She rubbed her arms and nally those brown eyes of hers rested on him.
”Not bad,” she ma.s.saged the back of her neck, ransacking her brain for what to say next.
Tosin told her how distant a guy could be, when he is s.e.xually frustrated. She didn't want him to act that way towards her. She wanted to please him and had no idea how to go about it. d.a.m.n her for not paying attention when her mates had the 's.e.x talk'. Deborah dropped her bag, walked toward him and pulled him in a hot demanding kiss. Her hands travelled through his curls and her unschooled mouth tried to keep up with his. Moses groaned as he reluctantly tore his lips from her. She stared at him confused, his eyes were much darker and breath raw with excitement.
”Have I done something wrong?” she asked, shocked at his withdrawal. Deborah covered her mouth. Had she made things worse? but she did everything right. ”I thought…” she paused. Quickly, she fumbled through her bag and brought out a box of condom, placing it on the centre table. He stared at it, a little dumbfounded. He blinked several times as he tried his best not to laugh. He folded his arms and quickly let them drop.
”I am prepared for this. Are you going to turn me down?” she asked.
”I would rather die than turn you down. Do you know how long I have waited to have you in my arms?” he stroked her cheeks.
”Then why are you holding back?” she asked confused.
”I just feel you are uncomfortable. I know you want to please me but I want you to have fun too. I want to make love to you not only for my pleasure but for yours too. Let's take it slow because I want to explore every part of you. I want to make you feel like a queen and not some kind of object,” he smiled. Slowly, her shoulders dropped in relief then her lips curled in a grin.
”You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. There is something you should know,” she said. ”I have not had s.e.x before. It's going to be my rst time,” she caressed his chest as their eyes locked.
”What!” he whispered. ”Not even once?” She nodded.
”Are you changing your mind?” she asked.
”Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked.
”Yes!” she said rmly. He liked the fact she knew what she wanted.